Dear Queenie,
When my car broke down recently some friends offered to pick me up and take me with them to church. After the service they went to a nice restaurant for lunch, which I hadn’t expected and hadn’t taken enough money with me to pay for, so I just ordered coffee. It was very embarrassing.
They kept asking me why I wasn’t eating anything, but I didn’t want to say I didn’t have enough money to pay because I’m sure they would have offered to treat me and that would have been even more embarrassing.
Queenie, shouldn’t they have told me their plans for after church?—Humiliated passenger
Dear Passenger,
It would have been helpful if they had told you their plans so you could have been properly prepared for what happened. However, you could simply have told them you had expected to be taken home right after the church service and had not brought any money with you, and would repay them for the cost of your lunch.
And if they then offered to treat you to lunch you could have accepted without embarrassment, or insisted on repaying them when they took you home.
Dear Queenie,
My wife’s brother and his wife didn’t give my daughter a gift even though they came to her wedding. We have always given their children nice gifts on all occasions, even ones we didn’t attend.
We haven’t said anything to them about it, but we won’t be giving their kids anything more anytime soon.
Queenie, why are people such cheapskates?—Disgusted dad
Dear Dad,
Possibly your brother-in-law is not so much cheap as he is broke, especially these days after Hurricane Irma, assuming he and his family live here in St. Maarten, and if they live abroad, the trip here may have been all they could afford.
You are right not to have said anything to them about it. And from now on, also expect nothing from them. If that turns out to be wrong, at least your surprise will be a pleasant one.
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend and I are talking about getting married, but up to now she has not met my mother. She has met all the men in my family, but she refuses to meet my mother. She says she won’t meet my mother until we are officially engaged, but I say we can’t get engaged until she meets my mother.
Queenie, what do you say?—Confused boyfriend
Dear Boyfriend,
I say it seems your girlfriend has heard to many “mother-in-law” stories and is afraid to meet your mother. I also say that until she is mature enough to face and deal with difficult situations she is not mature enough to get married.
And finally, I say (as always) that professional counselling might help her grow up a little more.
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend and I in high school broke up after some silly quarrel that I can’t even remember what it was about, but we haven’t seen or spoken to each other since high school. Now our class reunion is coming up and I’m wondering if I should go because I might run into her there and I wouldn’t know what to do.
Queenie, should I go anyway?—Ex-boyfriend
Dear Ex,
By all means, go. You would not want to miss the opportunity to meet up again with all your other classmates. Try to avoid your ex-girlfriend, and if you cannot avoid her completely, be civil and try to keep the conversation short. Who knows, she might surprise you and be friendly.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together for more than 5 years and now we are talking about getting married, but he is also talking about having children but I’m not ready for that and maybe I never will be. When I tried to tell him that he got mad and threatened to leave me.
I’ve been thinking about getting pregnant just to keep him happy because I do love him, and after all, we’ve been together for so long and I don‘t want to think all those years were wasted time.
Queenie, what do you think?—Confused girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
I think bringing a child you do not want into the world just to please someone else is a bad idea. I also think marrying someone who would ask you to do this is a bad idea.
Pre-marital counselling for both of you might help you resolve your differences, but if it does not, do not waste any more time with this man.
