Dear Queenie,

What do you say to someone who is showing off something new, like clothes or a piece of jewelry or whatever, and you think it’s just plain ugly or vulgar or cheap?

Queenie, are you supposed to lie to spare their feelings?—Etty Ket

Dear Etty Ket,

Remember that old saying, “If you cannot say something nice, do not say anything at all”?

But usually you can find something nice to say, like the clothes fit well or are a pretty colour, or the jewellery really sparkles or shines in that light, or the cheap whatever-it-is must have been a real bargain.

Dear Queenie,

My boyfriend talks about the most private things to anyone who will listen. I don’t care when it’s his things he talks about, but when it’s stuff that should be private just between the two of us, like what we do in the bedroom, I get upset. He always apologises for upsetting me, but he still does it again and again.

Queenie, how can I get him to respect my feelings?—Embarrassed

Dear Embarrassed,

Your boyfriend does this to get attention and if he knows it upsets you and he still does it he is not likely to change. You will have to decide whether you are willing to put up with this kind of treatment – and him.

If you want to really let him know how this makes you feel, you can get some revenge by chiming in on his next embarrassing recital with something embarrassing about him – like how he can’t “get it up” in the bedroom without help, for example. But if you do this, be prepared for him to get upset with you – and maybe, if you are lucky, dump you.

Dear Queenie,

My wife and I have some problems that we can’t seem to solve by talking to each other. I want to go for counselling, but she refuses because she won’t discuss private matters with someone else. But at the same time she tells her mother everything that goes on between us and asks her for advice.

Queenie, is it wrong of me to feel she violated my confidence by talking to her mother about our private matters when she won’t go to a counsellor?—Offended husband

Dear Husband,

Your wife does not consider her mother to be “someone else,” but more like an extension of herself to whom she has been taking her troubles all her life. Try to explain to your wife that to you her mother is just as much “someone else” as a counsellor would be.

And if you cannot make your wife understand your point of view, go for counselling without her for help in learning to deal with those problems you mentioned.

Dear Queenie,

I got married right out of high school and divorced a few years later. Since then I have dated several women, but I am not interested in any committed relationship. Right now I am dating two different women, both of whom would like to get married even though they both know how I feel about it. One of them knows I am also dating someone else. The other does not.

Queenie, do you have any advice for me?—Happily single

Dear Single,

As long as you are happy with the way things are I have no advice for you except this: You should tell the lady who does not already know that you are dating someone else too and let her decide whether she is willing to continue seeing you.