Dear Queenie,
My daughter is in her 30s and has never had a serious relationship. She meets plenty of attractive men but after a few dates she doesn’t hear from them anymore and goes on to the next one. I have no idea why this keeps happening.
Queenie, what do you think?—Worried mother

Dear Mother,
If your daughter is as anxious to catch a man as you are for her to do so, she may be scaring them off by looking for a commitment too soon. If that is her problem, try to help her learn to relax and let things develop more slowly.
However, it is also possible that she is too particular about what she wants in a man and cannot find anyone who meets her too-high standards. In that case, perhaps you can help her see things more realistically.

Dear Queenie,
I got let out of school early one day and when I got home I found my father in bed with a woman who was not my mother. He was not only cheating on Mom, he was doing it in her own bed!
I’ve been saving up for a big fancy TV set for my bedroom and Dad promised to get it for me if I don’t tell Mom what I saw.
I’m mad at Dad for cheating and for where he was doing it, but I don’t want to be the one who breaks up their marriage and our family.
Queenie, what should I do?—Cheater’s daughter

Dear Daughter,
Not only is your father an adulterer, but he is trying to make you become an accessory to his misdeed by accepting a bribe and remaining silent.
If you go along with him there is still a good chance your mother will find out from someone else, and then, to make things worse, what if she finds out that you knew about it all along and did not tell her?
I think that if you can answer my question you will know the answer to yours.

Dear Queenie,
I don’t think very much of the man my daughter wants to marry. He only has a high-school education and works a low-paying job, spends all his money as fast as he gets it and doesn’t seem to have any ambition to do any better. I’ve tried to talk to my daughter about this, but she is in love with him and doesn’t want to hear any of it.
With all this in mind I get a sick feeling every time I think about planning their wedding.
Queenie, should I pretend to be happy about all this or tell her I don’t want anything to do with it?—Worried Mother

Dear Mother,
There is no rule of etiquette that says the parents of the bride must plan and pay for their daughter’s wedding. It is customary for them to do so as a gift, but it is not required of them.
Tell your daughter it is up to her and her fiancé to plan and pay for their own wedding (and honeymoon). Possibly the experience will give her some idea why you are so opposed to her marrying this man.
As for a wedding gift, offer to use the money you might have spent on the wedding to set up a trust fund for their children’s education (when, as and if they have any) – and if you do, be sure to set it up in a way that her husband cannot get his hands on any of that money.

Dear Queenie,
My mother tells everyone I am disrespecting her because I won’t let her smoke in my house because one of my children has breathing problems. It’s not just her. I don’t let anyone smoke in my house, I ask them to go outside if they want to smoke. And I won’t let my kids visit her because she won’t promise not to smoke around them when they are at her house.
Queenie, isn’t she the one who is disrespecting me and my children?—Careful parent

Dear Parent,
Of course she is! And you can quote me on that if you want to.
Your mother is the one who is being disrespectful to you and your children.
Everyone (except your mother, apparently) knows that second-hand smoke – the smoke from someone else’s cigarette, cigar or pipe – can be just as harmful to people nearby as it is to the smoker, even if the non-smokers do not have health issues like one of your children.