Dear Queenie,
I’ve been going with a married woman for years now. She says she loves me and wants to marry me, but she won’t do anything about getting a divorce. It’s not as if she has kids and I’m not married, so there’s no problem about that kind of thing.
Meanwhile, I’m getting sick of having to worry about people knowing about us, which could really cause problems, especially for her.
Queenie, what do you say?—Getting Impatient
Dear Impatient,
There are other reasons than children for not wanting to end a marriage. Your adulterous paramour may actually be in love with her husband and unwilling to leave him, she may be afraid of damage to her reputation if her adultery becomes public knowledge, there may be financial reasons, and the list goes on and on.
I say you should not waste your life waiting (and hoping) for this clandestine relationship to develop into anything more than it already is.
Dear Queenie,
I love my wife very much but she is not what you would call a sociable person. I don’t mind going to social events by myself, but I never know what to say when people ask me where my wife is. I don’t like making up excuses.
Any suggestions, Queenie?—Perplexed
Dear Perplexed,
Just tell them the truth: “My wife is not a social person/does not enjoy social events.”
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I are both retired. My problem is that all he wants to do is hang around the house and watch TV and make fun of me. I worked full-time for many years and raised our children and kept up the house, but nothing I do is good enough and if I disagree with him it ends up in an argument. He’s very pleasant to everybody when we are in public, but at home he’s very different.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Angry wife
Dear Wife,
Some men get depressed after they retire because they start feeling useless. Try to get him active in senior citizens groups, community service organisations. and/or other volunteer service groups. As usual, I also suggest professional counselling, if you can get him to go.
Dear Queenie,
My father is about to go on retirement and we are going to throw him a big party to celebrate. My brother is bringing his girlfriend and it happens to be her birthday that day, so he wants us all to sing “Happy Birthday” to her.
I told him this would not be appropriate, but he got mad and said if we won’t sing for her they won’t come to the party.
Queenie, am I wrong about this?—Older sister
Dear Sister,
I do not think this is a really important point to argue about. Surely it will not spoil your father’s party to take a moment out from his celebration to sing a short song to the birthday girl (and even offer her a cupcake with a candle). It might even spice up the festivities.
Dear Queenie,
I don’t much like my wife’s sister, but she lives on another island and we don’t see her very often. It turns out she asked my wife to lend her a big amount of money and she did, without telling me and without getting her sister to put anything in writing about repaying the loan.
I only found out about this by accident and I am angry at my wife for not telling me about it.
Now it’s been more than a year and her sister hasn’t even started to pay her back.
Queenie, how can I forgive my wife for keeping this a secret from me?—Angry husband
Dear husband,
Your wife knows how you feel about her sister and took it for granted that you would not want to give her any money. However, your wife loves her sister and wanted to help her out.
The fact that she did it without telling you was not right and I hope you can forgive her for that if she promises not to do anything like it again.
