Dear Queenie,
My mother is getting more and more difficult as she gets older. She has never been easy to get along with, but she is getting worse and worse, so that now almost everything she says is some kind of criticism or insult. I try to defend myself or whoever else she is talking about, but she just says I am being hateful and keeps going on and on.
Queenie, please tell me how to deal with this.—Angry son
Dear Son,
One of the signs of dementia is the person not being able to control what he or she is saying. Offer to go with your mother to her next appointment with her doctor and make an opportunity to tell him/her about this so your mother can be evaluated for this possibility. Then you will know better how to deal with her.
Dear Queenie,
I found out that while my husband was out drinking at a bar with some of his friends he was flirting with a woman he works with. He claims it was just flirting and didn’t mean anything, but I also found out that they have been calling and texting each other when I am not around.
I called this woman and asked her what is going on and she said the same thing he did – that it was just flirting and the calls and texts have to do with their work.
Like you always say, this is a small island and sometimes when my husband and I go out we happen to see this woman and they pay no attention to each other. I thought I could trust my husband, but if nothing is going on, why don’t they at least say “hello”?
Queenie, what do you think?—Worried wife
Dear Wife,
I think you are beginning to lose your trust in your husband and the two of you should get professional counselling together, for him to understand why you are so concerned and for you to get help coping with the situation. And, as I also always say, if he will not go with you, go by yourself.
Dear Queenie,
For about a year now my son has refused to have anything to do with our family and most of his old friends. We have tried to stay in touch with him but he never answers our calls or text messages or letters or cards or e-mails.
Queenie, we are all so worried about him. What can we do?—Worried father
Dear Father,
Is it possible that your son has found a new “love interest” who is trying to cut him off from everyone else he loves?
Whatever the reason, you should try to see your son in person to find out what is going on. It may be that he is having a problem that requires medical or psychological treatment.
Dear Queenie,
My brother’s 10-year-old son is very shy. He hides in his bedroom the whole time when I visit them and won’t even come out to say “hello” and he won’t even talk to anyone on the phone.
Queenie, shouldn’t his parents teach him to behave better?—Offended aunt
Dear Aunt,
I have to wonder how this child behaves in school – or does he go to school?
He may have some physical, emotional or psychological condition that is influencing his behaviour. If so, are his parents getting him treatment for it? If they are not, encourage them to do so.
Dear Queenie,
My wife’s family talk to each other in Spanish, which is the only language they know and which I don’t know at all, so I never understand a word they say.
My family all do the same thing in English, so of course my wife’s family can’t understand them.
My wife, who knows both languages (I don’t), thinks we are being rude to her family and I think they are being rude to mine.
Queenie, what do you think?—Monolingual
Dear Monolingual,
I think you cannot blame anyone for speaking the only language they know and for not knowing someone else’s language. As long as you all are otherwise behaving respectfully to one another, I do not think anyone is being rude.
That being said, I think it would be nice if all of you would try to learn at least a few words of each others’ languages. Meanwhile, perhaps your wife can try to do a little translating for both sides.
