Dear Queenie,
My wife is always on her iPhone checking e-mail or texting someone or using one of the apps.
I’m not the only one who has noticed. Even our children complain that they can’t get her attention long enough to talk to her about anything.
I tried to talk to her about this but she just made excuses about looking up things she needs for her job or just spending a little time having fun.
Queenie, how do I get her to put down her phone and spend some time enjoying real life?—Smart phone widower
Dear Phone widower,
The problem may be that your wife does not enjoy the responsibilities of “real life” as much as she does her addiction to her iPhone.
Make a list of your activities when you are together – driving, eating a meal, etc. – and – together – pick the ones when you feel it is important to have her attention. For example, she can play with the phone while you are driving, but must turn it off when you are eating a meal together.
And certainly, she must be prepared to give your children her full attention when they want to talk to her, even if the matter seems trivial to her!
Dear Queenie,
I went out with this guy last night and just fell in love with him right away. Now I can’t sleep for thinking he might not like me as much and waiting for him to call me for another date.
Queenie, how long should I wait for him to call me and how do I get over it if he doesn’t?—Lady-in-waiting
Dear Lady,
What you are going through is a crush, not real love.
Real love is built on shared experiences and emotions over a fairly long period of time, which you do not have with “this guy.”
Wait a few days for him to call. If he has not called after a week has passed, feel free to give him a “Hi, how are you?” call and see how he responds. However, do not be surprised if he does not show much interest and do not take matters any further unless he does.
Dear Queenie,
Whenever I have friends visiting me at home, my mother makes comments about how they look or how they do things. She makes my friends uncomfortable and they don’t like her even though she gives them treats.
If I try to talk to her about it she just says my friends always used to like her before, so what’s the problem? The problem is that we’re all older now and they have learned to understand the things she says about them.
Queenie, how can I make her understand?—Embarrassed teenager
Dear Teenager,
I doubt you can make your mother understand, but perhaps another adult could do so. Tell another adult you trust and ask him or her to talk to your mother about this.
If she continues to do this, you will not have this problem much longer because your friends will refuse to visit you at your home. If that happens, tell your mother why, and visit your friends at their homes as often as you can.
Dear Queenie,
My husband is still friends with his ex-wife and if you ask me they are much too friendly for exes. They don’t have any kids, but they still talk to each other all the time and the way they talk is more like lovers than just friends.
He says there is nothing going on for me to worry about but I’m not so sure about that.
Queenie, what do you think?—Worried wife
Dear Wife,
Ask your husband if he is really committed to your marriage, or would he go back to his ex-wife if she gave him the chance. If he is fully committed to your marriage, he should cut back on the contact with his ex for your sake. If he cannot do that, you need to examine your options carefully and decide what you want to do.
Dear Queenie,
I’m the youngest in a family of 6 children. My older sisters are all grown up and out on their own and have jobs and children and now that I’m in high school they expect me to help take care of their kids when I get out of school which means I never get to go to games or other afterschool activities for kids my own age.
I love my nieces and nephews, but I know there should be more to life for me than this.
Queenie, how can I do better for myself?—Teenage girl
Dear Teenage girl,
Yes, there should be more to life for you than this.
For now, concentrate on getting the best grades you can, so you will qualify for the best tertiary education you can get, so you will be well prepared to go out on your own and support yourself.
And when that time comes, be sure not to get pregnant unless and until you are prepared to care for your child(ren) without outside help except that of his/her/their father – preferably your partner in life for practical if not religious reasons.
