Dear Queenie,
There is another couple we often go out to dinner with, but the wife spends most of the time at the restaurant going around to other tables greeting people she knows and introducing herself to the ones she doesn’t know.
We find this embarrassing and also rude.
Queenie, shouldn’t she be spending her time with the people she came with?— Offended friends
Dear Friends,
Of course she should, but it would be equally rude to scold her about it. The next time it happens, ignore her, finish your meal if you have already started eating, and leave when you are done – without saying anything to her if she is not at your table at the time. If that leaves her with your bill, so be it. If later she says anything to you about leaving her there like that, tell her you could not say goodbye to her because she was not there to say it to.
You also might want to consider not going out with that couple very often, and if they ask you why, tell them it is because the wife does not seem very interested in your company.
Dear Queenie,
My ex-boyfriend used to be very fat. While we were together I tried to get him to lose some weight but he just couldn’t manage to do it.
Now he’s together with another woman and he’s lost a lot of weight and looks just great and I wish I could get him back.
Any ideas, Queenie?—Sorry we broke up
Dear Sorry,
You could let him know you still care for him and see how he reacts. But do not be too disappointed if he figures out that it is because of the weight loss and is not flattered by your interest in him.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been dating a terrific man who was dating several other women too when we started out. After a while I told him I wanted an exclusive relationship and he agreed to stop dating anyone else and he has kept his word on that.
However, recently I told him I want to spend the rest of my life with him and suggested we get married, but he said no, that was not going to happen and if that was the only way we could be together it was over between us.
Queenie, what’s going on here?—Confused girlfriend
Dear Confused,
There could be several reasons for your boyfriend’s refusal to marry you. He may be legally married already, although separated from his wife. Your relationship with him may not have been as exclusive on his part as you think. Or he may not yet (if ever) be ready to make as firm a commitment to you as marriage would be.
Consider yourself lucky that he has been at least that honest with you. Now you will have to decide whether you want to continue with him on his terms.
Dear Queenie,
I retired from my job recently and my wife and I like to take it easy in the morning now that I don’t have to get up early to go to work. Sometimes we sleep fairly late and sometimes when we get up we eat breakfast first and don’t get dressed until later on.
The problem is a friend of ours, also recently retired, who has a habit of dropping in on us without calling ahead. I guess he is still accustomed to getting up early and can’t change his ways. But sometimes he catches us before we have gotten dressed for the day and it’s embarrassing.
Queenie, how do we tell him to call first and let us know he is coming without being rude to him?—Sleepyheads
Dear Sleepyheads,
Your friend is being rude to just drop in on you without first letting you know he is coming. I see no reason to worry about being rude to him.
However, it would not be rude for you to tell him when he arrives that it is not convenient for you to visit with him just then and to suggest that he come back at whatever time you would find more convenient. It also would not be rude to ask him (as pleasantly as you can manage) to call ahead in the future to let you know he is planning to come by.
Dear Queenie,
My brother and I do not get along with each other. He lives abroad and we do not keep in touch.
So, Queenie, when people ask me how he is doing do I tell them what I am telling you or what do I say?—Not speaking to him
Dear Not speaking,
Just say, “I do not know. I have not spoken to him recently.” You do not have to go into detail as to why you do not keep in touch with him.
