Dear Queenie,
I don’t think very much of the man my daughter wants to marry. He only has a high-school education and works a low-paying job, spends all his money as fast as he gets it and doesn’t seem to have any ambition to do any better. I’ve tried to talk to my daughter about this, but she is in love with him and doesn’t want to hear any of it.
With all this in mind I get a sick feeling every time I think about planning their wedding.
Queenie, should I pretend to be happy about all this or tell her I don’t want anything to do with it?—Worried Mother

Dear Mother,
There is no rule of etiquette that says the parents of the bride must plan and pay for their daughter’s wedding. It is customary for them to do so as a gift, but it is not required of them.
Tell your daughter it is up to her and her fiancé to plan and pay for their own wedding (and honeymoon). Possibly the experience will give her some idea why you are so opposed to her marrying this man.
As for a wedding gift, offer to use the money you might have spent on the wedding to set up a trust fund for their children’s education (when, as and if they have any) – and if you do, be sure to set it up in a way that her husband cannot get his hands on any of that money.

Dear Queenie,
My mother tells everyone I am disrespecting her because I won’t let her smoke in my house because one of my children has breathing problems. It’s not just her. I don’t let anyone smoke in my house, I ask them to go outside if they want to smoke. And I won’t let my kids visit her because she won’t promise not to smoke around them when they are at her house.
Queenie, isn’t she the one who is disrespecting me and my children?—Careful parent

Dear Parent,
Of course she is! And you can quote me on that if you want to.
Your mother is the one who is being disrespectful to you and your children.
Everyone (except your mother, apparently) knows that second-hand smoke – the smoke from someone else’s cigarette, cigar or pipe – can be just as harmful to people nearby as it is to the smoker, even if the non-smokers do not have health issues like one of your children.

Dear Queenie,
I got let out of school early one day and when I got home I found my father in bed with a woman who was not my mother. He was not only cheating on Mom, he was doing it in her own bed!
I’ve been saving up for a big fancy TV set for my bedroom and Dad promised to get it for me if I don’t tell Mom what I saw.
I’m mad at Dad for cheating and for where he was doing it, but I don’t want to be the one who breaks up their marriage and our family.
Queenie, what should I do?—Cheater’s daughter

Dear Daughter,
Not only is your father an adulterer, but he is trying to make you become an accessory to his misdeed by accepting a bribe and remaining silent.
If you go along with him there is still a good chance your mother will find out from someone else, and then, to make things worse, what if she finds out that you knew about it all along and did not tell her?
I think that if you can answer my question you will know the answer to yours.

Dear Queenie,
I’m a woman in my 20s. Recently my best friend told me that a man we have been friends with since high school likes me better than just a friend but is afraid to say anything in case I don’t like him back the same way – which I don’t.
Queenie, how do I let him know we will never be more than just friends without hurting his feelings?—No chance for romance

Dear No chance,
Keep your contacts with this man to a minimum. Make sure you only see him when other friends are with you – group socialising, but no “just you and him” occasions. Do not contact him first in any way – not by phone or text message or e-mail or whatever, and do not respond immediately to any message you receive from him; in fact, sometimes do not respond at all, and when you do, keep it “low key.”
And if you know anyone he might like who might “like him back” romantically, feel free to introduce him to her.