Dear Queenie,
My grown-up daughter still lives with us and I would like her to move out because I am tired of picking up after her, but my husband, her father, won’t hear of it.
Queenie, how can I get her to pick up after herself and persuade him that it is time for her to move out?—Fed-up mother
Dear Mother,
If your daughter has a job, she should be paying you something for rent and should be helping out around the house, or at least picking up after herself.
Assign her certain chores to do around the house, and if she does not do them tell your husband to do them for her or give you money to hire someone to help with the housekeeping, but do not do your daughter’s chores yourself.
I am willing to bet that if your husband has to pitch in or pay for the work, he will be less willing to pamper his daughter.
Dear Queenie,
My husband always has music playing at top volume while he is driving in the car. It hurts my ears and it’s embarrassing to have people staring at us because of it.
I have asked him to turn down the volume but he just gives me an argument.
Queenie, how can I persuade him?—Deafened wife
Dear Wife,
If your husband ever fails to give right-of-way to an oncoming emergency vehicle (police or ambulance) because he does not hear its siren he may find himself in big legal trouble.
Meanwhile, to protect your own hearing you can invest in earplugs to use when you drive with him (and whenever he has the music blasting).
Also, your husband may have already damaged his own hearing and should have it checked by an audiologist (a hearing specialist) to be sure he does not damage it even more. And maybe if he needs and gets a hearing aid(s) he will not play the music so loud.
Dear Queenie,
My two sons-in-law just cannot get along with each other. Every time they are together it ends up in a big argument. They spoil every family occasion and their children don’t get to know each other.
Queenie, how can my wife and I fix things up?—Fed-up grandfather
Dear Grandfather,
If you try to “fix things up” you may spoil your relationship with both of them. Hold separate family occasions – either two Thanksgiving dinners and two Christmas parties, or invite one daughter’s family for Thanksgiving and the other daughter’s family for Christmas. And you can have all the cousins get together at your house with only or even without their mothers, perhaps while their fathers are at work.
Dear Queenie,
My husband is verbally abusive. He never actually hits me, but he talks to me like I am a child and thinks anything I say is not important. He always has to be right.
I would like to leave him, but I am afraid of what he would say about me to everyone we know.
Queenie, what can I do?—Unhappy wife
Dear Wife,
You can get professional counselling to help you learn to cope with the mental and emotional effect of your husband’s treatment of you, and you can contact Safe Haven (office tel. 9277), 24-hour hotline number 9333, tel. 721-523-6400, e-mail address This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. , or Facebook: SafeHavenSt.Maarten) for help if you decide to leave him.
Dear Queenie,
My wife and I both work to support ourselves and our 2 children and we have another one on the way. I have asked her to get a second job to help with our household expenses after the baby comes but she says she won’t even try, because she will be too busy with the new baby.
Queenie, we don’t have any savings and we already have a lot of debt. How will we manage?—Worried father
Dear Father,
Your wife already has two full-time jobs: the one that brings in money, and taking care of your house and the two children you already have, which will be even harder when the new baby comes and she has three children to take care of.
I think you will have to be the one who gets a second job to help with your household expenses. Your wife already has all she can manage.
