Dear Queenie,
My son is learning good English in school, but in his father’s family they don’t speak good English and when my son hears it sometimes he speaks up and corrects them.
I have explained to him that this is bad manners and he shouldn’t do it but he says that is what they do to him in school.
Queenie, how do I explain the difference to him?—Smartypants’ mother
Dear Mother,
Tell your son he goes to school to learn new things and it is the job of the people there to teach him these new things. However, it is not up to him to teach these things to the adults in his life – in fact it is rude of him to try to do so in a social situation.
If he thinks he has heard something wrong he should come to you privately and ask you about it and you can then tell him whether he is correct, but he should not be trying to correct his adult relatives’ mistakes.
Dear Queenie,
My adult son is attractive, smart and has a good job. He would make some woman a wonderful husband and he would be a wonderful father, but he just isn’t interested in getting married and having children.
Queenie, how do I make him understand what he is missing out on?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
There was a time when it was taken for granted that the best – the only – way to have a good life was to get married and have a family. However, times – and attitudes – have changed. And the divorce rate has skyrocketed.
Bear in mind that a happy single life is much better for your son than a bad marriage would be, and do not try to push him into something he clearly does not want.
I am not saying that any marriage your son would make would be a bad one, but if he prefers not to take that risk, the decision is his to live with, and from what you say he seems to be content with it.
Dear Queenie,
Whenever I host a dinner for my husband’s family, one sister and her husband make a big fuss about the fact that they are vegan and the whole menu must be vegan or they cannot attend.
I have offered to make a few vegan dishes that they can eat, but that is not good enough for them, they think everyone should be served the same food and if they are there it must all be vegan.
Queenie, what do you say?—Carnivorous hostess
Dear Hostess,
It is just as rude for your sister-in-law and her husband to demand that you abide totally by their dietary preferences as it would be for you to insist that they eat the meat dishes you serve them.
As the hostess, it is up to you to set the menu and if you are willing to go out of your way to accommodate their preferences, they should be grateful for the courtesy.
Keep a copy of this column and, if this argument comes up again, show it to them and make sure they read my answer.
Dear Queenie,
I have a couple of friends who call me and talk for hours about nothing important, just how they spend their day and what they bought at the supermarket, etc.
I don’t want to hang up on them, but there are other things I would rather be doing, like watch my favorite TV program or just read a good book.
Queenie, what is a polite way to end such a conversation?—Phone hostage
Dear Hostage,
Do you have caller ID? If so, do not answer the phone when one of these friends calls you unless you are willing to listen. When you do answer their calls, immediately set a time limit – “Sorry, I’m busy doing (whatever), I can only talk for a few minutes” – and when you have had enough, “Sorry, I have to go now, goodbye” and hang up.
And, do these time-wasters know each other? If not, introduce them and encourage them to call each other.
Dear Queenie,
Recently I got a gift for at my bridal shower that still had the price tag on it. I never saw such a thing before. I was always taught to take off the price tag from any gift I gave anyone.
Queenie, have things changed?—Gift-giving Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
The gift-giver may have simply forgotten to take the tags off your gift, or may have purposely left them on so you could return it or exchange it if you wanted to do so. But, no, gift-giving etiquette has not changed.
