Dear Queenie,
My older sister packed up all the family photos and our mother’s jewelry after our father died and put it all in storage. She never asked if I wanted any of it, and there are some things I would like to have.
Queenie, how can I get her share these things with me?—Younger sister
Dear Sister,
If you have access to the place where these things are stored, go there, go through the things and take the things you want, making sure to inform your sister about what you have taken.
If you do not have access, and your sister will not cooperate, you may have to take legal measures, which could get expensive.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter is getting married later this year. She is planning and paying for the wedding herself and I gave her some money to help with the cost.
The wedding dress she has chosen does not really look very good on her and I think she may have chosen it because it was all she could afford. I would like to help her choose a gown that will look better, but I don’t know how to bring up the subject.
Queenie, help!—Mother of the bride
Dear Mother,
If a seamstress is altering the gown to fit your daughter, perhaps she can tell you if your daughter is not completely satisfied with the gown, in which case you could offer to help her find – and pay for – one she likes better. And perhaps the gown she has chosen will look better once it is altered to fit her better.
In any case, do not make an issue of this. Remember, “all brides are beautiful.”
Dear Queenie,
I have an incurable medical condition and have been told that I do not have much longer to live. There are a lot of people who have been important in my life and made it as happy and fulfilling as it is, and I would like to thank them for it.
I am considering holding a farewell party but I don’t want it to turn into a sad event with tears and condolences.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Dying slowly
Dear Dying,
Your farewell party does not have to be a morbid event. You – and your spouse, if you are married – should make it clear to everyone when you invite them that it is intended to be a celebration of your life rather than a premature funeral. And if you think it will be a strain to tell each person individually what they have meant to you, then give a speech to the whole group, or videotape it in advance to be played at the event.
Dear Queenie,
My brother is mad at me because I didn’t call his son on his birthday. I didn’t call because it was a weekday and I was at work, and anyway I had been at the boy’s birthday party that weekend and gave him his gift and wished him a happy birthday then.
Queenie, should I have called on the actual birthday too?—Happy birthday Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
It would have been nice if you had called on the actual birthday, but having celebrated previously at a party and giving your gift then was enough.
Do not argue with your brother about it. Apologise if he demands it and ignore anything more he says about it.
Dear Queenie,
When my daughters got married last year just a few weeks from each other, my father-in-law gave us a lot of money to help out with the wedding expenses. Then at Christmastime he sent nice presents to all his other grandchildren, but nothing to my girls.
Queenie, how can he be so unfair?—Angry mother
Dear Mother,
Apparently your father-in-law considers the money he gave for your daughters’ weddings to be their (advance) Christmas presents as well as their wedding gifts.
Whatever the case, none of the grandchildren is entitled to receive any kind of gift from their grandfather. They – and you – should be appropriately grateful for whatever he chooses to give them, whenever he does so.
