Dear Queenie,
We’ve been married for almost 30 years but my husband never pays me a compliment or gets affectionate in public, although he has no problem kind of flirting with other women. He also keeps busy with a lot of outside activities, so we don’t have much time together at home.
Queenie, I don’t want to nag him to spend more time with me. What can I do?—Feeling neglected
Dear Feeling neglected,
It is easier for some men to pay a compliment to a stranger than to someone they are close to. As for spending time together, try to find outside activities that your husband is interested in and try to get him to go with you.
You might also consider marriage counselling – and try to get him to go with you for that too.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter and her fiancé planned a small wedding with just their parents and her sister, and invited all the rest of their relatives for a big family get-together to celebrate after they got back from their honeymoon.
However, one of her cousins showed up at the wedding ceremony.
Queenie, how does my daughter get over having her wedding ruined like that? And what does she say to the cousin when she sees her again?—Angry mother of the bride
Dear Angry mother,
Unless the cousin misbehaved at the ceremony in some way, I do not think she “ruined” your daughter’s wedding.
And if word gets out that the cousin was there, just explain to anyone who asks that she showed up uninvited and let them tell her what they think of such rude behaviour.
Dear Queenie,
The daughter of a person I work with is getting married and he has invited everyone he works with to the wedding, even though most of us have never met the daughter. When his older daughter got married he also invited all of us and got very upset when only one of us showed up.
Queenie, are we obligated to attend?—Co-worker
Dear Co-worker,
You are not obligated to attend if you have no wish to do so, but consider your colleague’s possible reaction if you do not. You might also consider whether it is your presence at the wedding or your present to the bride and groom that he is after. You could send a small gift along with your regrets that you will not be able to attend. That might make your colleague feel a little better about your absence.
Dear Queenie,
My wife and I have been married for almost 20 years. The past few years she is not very affectionate, she won’t even hug me to say “hello” or “goodbye,” but I saw on her cell phone that she chats a lot with some guy from where she works and some of these chats get pretty hot. She doesn’t know what I saw.
Queenie, do you think she is cheating on me?—Worried husband
Dear Husband,
Some people (both men and women) enjoy flirting online. It is just fantasy to them and they do not think it really means anything. However, you should not take this for granted.
It is time to have a serious talk with you wife. Do not accuse her of anything, just tell her what you saw, tell her how it makes you feel, and ask her what, if anything, in fact is going on. And if she says or does (or does not do) anything that indicates problems in your marriage, ask her to go with you for professional marriage counselling.
Dear Queenie,
Before we got married my fiancée and I talked about finances and we planned that she would look for a job and we would share expenses. However, she has not been able to find a job she likes and meanwhile I have built up considerable debt.
Then her father gave her a big check for her birthday and I asked her to give me a small part of it to help pay some of our bills, but she refused, saying it was her money to do with as she pleased.
Queenie, was I being unreasonable?—Husband in debt
Dear Husband,
No, of course not. However, apparently your wife does not think of marriage as a partnership, and expects you to support her.
In this case I suggest both marriage and financial counselling for both of you. And as long as your wife is not contributing financially, it may become necessary to cut back on your lifestyle.
