Dear Queenie,
I got divorced a long time ago when my son was in his teens and my ex-husband and I have both remarried since then, but our son doesn’t have much to do with either of us. He is grown up and married now and has a child of his own, but he won’t let us have anything to do with our grandchild. He says he doesn’t trust us because we make bad decisions.
Queenie, how can I get him to let me see my grandchild?—Unhappy grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
Sometimes people do not realise how hard their divorce can be on their children. Professional counselling might have helped your son at the time, and still could, if there is any way you can persuade him to go.
Try not to provoke your son, apologise to him for the unhappiness your divorce has caused him, and ask him if there is anything you can do to improve your relationship with him.
If you have any contact with his wife, perhaps she could help you in all this.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend has a job that keeps him so busy he doesn’t have much time to spend with me. He wants for us to get married and says that way he’ll have more time to spend with me, but he also says if he doesn’t work so much, he won’t get paid as much.
Queenie, what do you advise?—Undecided
Dear Undecided,
I advise you not to make any hasty decisions.
Do not agree to marry this man until you are absolutely sure about how he feels
about you and whether you can trust what he says and the promises he makes – and how you feel about him and just what place you will have in his life in relation to his family, his work, and any other interests he may have.
Dear Queenie,
I have a full-time job, a lot more than 40 hours a week, and recently I got pregnant. The father doesn’t have a job. I want him to be involved in raising our child, but only if he can pay child support.
Queenie, is that too much to ask?—Mother-to-be
Dear Mother-to-be,
Yes. There is more to “support” than money. It also means helping to take care of the child and giving the mother emotional support. As long as the father is not addicted to alcohol or drugs and is not abusive or a criminal, his presence in the child’s life is good for both of them.
However, his financial support is also a positive aspect for both mother and child, so your baby-father should start looking for a job.
Dear Queenie,
My wife and I have 6 children and for a long time I have said I can’t wait until they are all grown up and out of the house and we can have some peace and quiet, but now the older ones are all grown up and out on their own and the youngest one is in high school and will be going off to college in another year or so and I can’t imagine what it will be like when it’s just me and my wife again.
It will be like starting out together all over again. Will we be enough company for each other?
Queenie, what if we don’t like what we see?—Empty-nester-to be
Dear Empty-nester-to be,
Have you talked to your wife about all this? Try to look at the bright side of being an empty-nester. Both you and your wife will then have time – and energy! – to devote just to each other, to follow up together or separately (hopefully together) on interests for which you have always been too busy raising six children, and/or to develop some new ones (again, hopefully together).
Dear Queenie,
My wife is just wonderful, but sometimes she annoys me and I get mad and say mean things to her. Also, I would like to move back to where we came from, but she likes it where we are now.
I love her, but I think being married is making both of us unhappy, but she doesn’t agree.
Queenie, should we split up?—Feeling trapped
Dear Feeling trapped,
I suggest a trial separation, to give both of you a chance to figure out whether you will be happier together or apart. And professional counselling, separately and together, would help both of you sort out your feelings about each other and your marriage. I wish you good luck.
