Worried mother

Dear Queenie,

  My son admitted to me very privately that he is gay and particularly asked me to not let anyone else know. Him being gay isn’t a problem for me, but keeping it a secret is.

  He is engaged to be married and he especially asked me to not tell his fiancée. It is not right for her to marry him without knowing this about him and if it might make her change her mind about being married to him she should have a chance to decide before she marries him.

  Queenie, I won’t tell her, but I think he should. What do you say?—Worried mother

Dear Mother,

  I agree with you that your son’s fiancée should know he is gay before she marries him. It will be less hurtful for both of them if knowing this about him before they get married makes her change her mind about marrying him, than if finding out after they are married makes her decide to end their marriage – especially if she only finds out after they have had a child – or several children.

  There are LGBT organisations that give help, including counselling, to persons like your son. If there are no branches of such groups locally where you live, they can be contacted online.