Dear Queenie,
My father-in-law is a rude, crude man who constantly used foul language and makes racist remarks in front of my young sons.
He does love the boys and treats them very well except for the way he talks.
My wife and I keep reminding the boys about the way we expect them to behave when they are at home with us and they are pretty good about that, but what will happen when they get older?
Queenie, how do we deal with their grandfather then?—Worried father
Dear Father,
Presumably your wife grew up with her rude, crude father and still managed to turn out very well or you would not have found her attractive enough to marry her, so I think you can continue to explain acceptable behaviour to your sons – and to show them by example.
However, your father-in-law’s racism is a bigger issue. Explain to him that you have no wish to try to change his opinions, but you do not share them and you will not allow your children to grow up sharing such beliefs, so if he cannot keep them to himself when you and/or the boys are around, you will leave and take them with you.
And if you find out that he has been spouting off that way in front of the boys when you are not with them, tell him you will not allow them to visit him without you being present to hear what he is saying.
