Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who apparently believes the invention of speakerphone was meant to liberate us all from privacy. She answers her phone on speaker everywhere. In the supermarket. In the car. At restaurants. In waiting rooms. At my house. And she doesn't tell the caller they're on speaker. I've learned things about people I never asked to know. Who's behind on their rent. Whose boyfriend came home at 3 a.m. Who has a rash. Which cousin borrowed money and hasn't paid it back. Once we were standing in a store when the person on the other end started discussing another friend of ours. I immediately walked away. My friend later asked why I disappeared. Because I don't want to be subpoenaed by the friendship court! I've told her I think it's rude, particularly when the caller doesn't know other people are listening. She says: "Everybody uses speakerphone." No. Everybody does not. Recently she answered a call while we were having lunch and placed the phone right in the middle of the table. Apparently our table had gained another guest. Queenie, am I becoming an old-fashioned privacy policewoman, or has speakerphone etiquette completely left the building? —Unwilling Conference Call Participant
Dear Unwilling Conference Call Participant,
Speakerphone is a useful invention. It allows several people to participate in a call. The important word there is: Participate. You are currently being conscripted. Your friend isn't merely using speakerphone. She's turning innocent bystanders into an audience. And there's an even bigger problem. The person on the other end may believe they're having a private conversation. They might say something personal because they assume only one person can hear them. Meanwhile, half of Carrefour knows Cousin Cheryl's marriage is hanging by a thread. That's not fair. At minimum, the first sentence should be: "You're on speaker and I'm here with Queenie." Then Cheryl can decide whether she'd still like to discuss what happened Saturday night. There is also the matter of public space. Nobody wants to hear both sides of a stranger's telephone conversation while choosing tomatoes. And putting a phone on the restaurant table so everyone must stop their conversation and accommodate the caller? Absolutely not. The next time it happens while you're together, don't argue about speakerphone etiquette. Simply say: "Can you take that off speaker, please?" If she refuses, excuse yourself. You don't need to participate in conversations you weren't invited to join. And if she asks why you're being so dramatic, tell her privacy isn't old-fashioned. It's courtesy. Speakerphone should operate much like karaoke. Just because the technology exists... doesn't mean the entire room volunteered to participate. —Queenie
