Dear Queenie,
I have a coworker who talks. A lot. The moment I walk into the office, before I even sit down, open my laptop, or take a breath, she is there. Talking about everything under the sun. Personal life, office gossip, random thoughts. It doesn’t stop there. She inserts herself into conversations, hovers around desks, and always wants to be included. I can tell she is lonely, and to be honest, she is not very well liked by others in the office. Which is exactly why I feel bad. I don’t want to be another person shutting her out. But at the same time, I just want to come to work, settle in, and get started without being pulled into a long conversation every single morning. It’s starting to affect my focus and my mood. Queenie, how do I create space without coming across as rude or unkind?—Just Let Me Sit Down First
Dear Just Let Me Sit Down First,
You are not dealing with a talkative coworker. You are dealing with unstructured access. Right now, your time is open, and she is filling it. Your instinct to be kind is understandable. You recognize that she is likely seeking connection. But kindness without boundaries quickly turns into resentment, and you are already feeling that shift. The solution is not to reject her. It is to structure the interaction. You need a consistent, neutral line that signals the same thing every morning: “Morning! Give me a few minutes to settle in, then we can catch up.” Short. Predictable. Not emotional. Then, this is important, you follow through. Sit down, open your laptop, and do not engage further until you are ready. What you are doing is creating a routine she can learn. Right now, she approaches because it works. Once it stops working immediately, she will adjust, especially if you remain polite but firm. You can also redirect: “Let’s talk at break time.” This gives her something to hold onto without taking over your start of day. And let’s address your guilt. You are not responsible for compensating for how others treat her. You are responsible for how you manage your time and energy. It is possible to be kind without being constantly available. In fact, that is the only way kindness remains genuine.
—Queenie
