Carnival is coming, and instead of feeling excited, I feel anxious. I have two siblings. One has decided to take out a payday loan to afford a Carnival costume, makeup, and all the extras. She has two young children and regularly needs help with school fees, groceries, and babysitting. Yet somehow there is money, or borrowed money for feathers and beads.
My other sibling is already drowning in debt. Credit cards. Missed payments. Stress calls. Now she has started doing food sales to raise money for her costume. On the surface that sounds responsible, except she is using our mother’s kitchen, leaving chaos behind, and our mother ends up cooking, cleaning, and helping more than she should at her age. This is all for a few days of Carnival. I understand culture. I understand celebration. Carnival is part of who we are. But I cannot understand risking financial stability, and dragging our mother into it, for costumes and makeup that cost more than a month’s groceries. If I say something, I am “negative.” If I stay quiet, I feel like I am watching bad decisions happen in real time. Am I being judgmental? Or is it reasonable to question priorities when children and debt are involved?—Concerned, Not Controlling
Dear Concerned, Not Controlling,
You are not judgmental. You are alarmed. And frankly, you should be. Carnival is culture. Carnival is expression. Carnival is joy. It is not a financial strategy. Taking out a payday loan for a costume, especially when you have two young children and already rely on others for support, is not celebration. It is avoidance. Payday loans are designed to trap the desperate, not fund feathers. As for food sales, entrepreneurship is admirable. Debt reduction is admirable. But using your mother’s kitchen, her time, her energy, and leaving her with the mess, all to finance what is essentially a luxury, is misplaced priority. That is not hustle. That is shifting the burden. Carnival should never require debt. Costumes are optional. Groceries are not. Stability for children is not. Peace of mind is not. What you are witnessing is not cultural pride, it is financial denial wrapped in glitter. That said, you cannot budget for other adults. You cannot out-logic someone who is emotionally committed to a moment. Carnival carries status, visibility, and identity for many. That makes rational conversations harder. If you choose to speak, keep it simple and factual: “I love Carnival too, but loans and debt for costumes worry me, especially with kids involved.” Then stop. Do not lecture. Do not rescue.
And perhaps the most important boundary: your mother’s kitchen and energy should not be collateral damage for poor planning. That conversation may need to happen separately. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is refuse to normalize financial self-sabotage.
Carnival lasts a few days. Debt lingers long after the music fades. —Queenie
