Dear Queenie,
I am a lawyer, and I have reached my limit. Every family gathering turns into free legal clinic. No sooner do I sit down with a plate of food than someone slides into the chair next to me and says: “Just take a quick look at this document.” “It will only take two minutes.” “Since you’re here anyway…” Sometimes it is a lease. Sometimes a court letter. Sometimes a business dispute that is apparently “small,” despite involving years of family drama and twenty WhatsApp screenshots. And if I hesitate, the response is always the same: “But you’re family.” I understand that people trust me. I appreciate that. But this is my profession. My training, my time, and frankly how I earn a living. No one expects the mechanic to rebuild an engine in the driveway during Sunday lunch. Yet somehow my law degree becomes community property the moment I walk into a room. Queenie, how do I set boundaries without sounding selfish or arrogant?—Counsel for the Entire Family
Dear Counsel for the Entire Family,
Congratulations. You have become what many professionals eventually become in Caribbean families: The unofficial department. The lawyer. The doctor. The accountant. The immigration expert. Available between the macaroni pie and dessert. Let’s start with this. People ask because they trust you. That is the flattering part. The less flattering part is that many people confuse access with entitlement. “Just a quick question” is one of the most expensive phrases in professional life. Because it is rarely quick. And it is never just one question. Now, here is the truth you need to accept: Setting boundaries is not selfish. It is necessary. You can be warm and firm: “I’d be happy to schedule time to look at it properly.” Or: “This needs more attention than I can give right now.” That response is respectful and professional. And if they insist, remember this: If the issue is important enough to interrupt your lunch, it is important enough to warrant your professional time. Family does not mean unlimited free access to your expertise. It means mutual respect. And respect includes recognizing that your skills have value. So enjoy your dinner. And the next time someone unfolds a legal file beside your plate, feel free to close it gently and pass the pepper sauce instead.—Queenie
