Dear Queenie,
I have been in a relationship for 4 years with what seemed to be “the right guy.” It was going well until my boyfriend got a new “friend” who is a woman (she could even be his mother). Everything just went downhill from there.
He says she is just a friend who can give him what he wants and she drives his car (all the time), and she gives him things. I even found out that he sleeps by her occasionally.
We had never fought before, but a couple months ago he hit me after arguing when I confronted him. We broke up for 4 months now and now he wants to get back with me. He has been begging for 2 months now and I can’t take it anymore. I still love him but I don’t want to be hurt again.
Queenie, should I give him a second chance and let him prove what he claims?—Confused Heart
Dear Confused Heart,
Let’s see. This guy who is supposedly going with only you has a lady friend from whom he accepts gifts and sometimes he sleeps at her house (and where in her house do you think he sleeps?). When you tell him you don’t like it he hits you.
If you give him a second chance there is a remote chance he will “prove what he claims,” but a much better chance he will hit you some more, and harder. Abusers rarely change, except for the worse.
I would not suggest giving him a second chance unless he goes into anger-management counselling immediately and even then you should not be alone with him until the counsellor advises you that it would be safe.
But why waste your time and your love on a man who has already shown that he doesn’t respect you and cannot be trusted? There are plenty of other, better, fish in the sea.
