Dear Queenie,
What do you say to the family of someone who committed suicide? The wife of a friend told people she was on her way home, but she never arrived. Later they found her car with a suicide note in it, but not her body. They looked for the body, but it was never found.
That leaves so many problems for her family. There is no “closure” to her death. They have to wait years before they can claim she is dead and most life insurance companies fight this type of claim where no body is found. There are all sorts of rumors of foul play or something fishy, like she was kidnapped or she ran away with another man. The whole thing is a mess.
So, Queenie, what do we say to our friend?—Grieving
Dear Grieving,
There is not much you can say in such a situation except to let your friends know that you share their grief and are “there” for them if there is anything you can do to help. If they want to talk, listen sympathetically. If they don’t, sit with them in silence if it seems to help.
Be aware that, in addition to the normal grief one feels at the loss of a loved one, the bereaved often feel guilt at the thought that there might have been something they could have done to prevent their loved one from taking her own life.
I have always felt that suicide, in addition to being an act of extreme depression and/or despair, is the ultimate act of selfishness and self involvement. There is a good reason many religions consider suicide a (please forgive the pun) mortal sin.
The person who commits such a terrible act is thinking only of escaping from his (or her) own suffering and not at all about the problems and grief he (or she) is leaving behind. They may tell themself, “They will be better off without me,” but that is only a rationalisation for leaving a mess for their loved ones to clean up and adding to the mess by the act of self-destruction.
Anyone who is even remotely considering suicide would do better for him(her)self and for all his/her loved ones to seek help from family, friends, doctors (for very often such feelings have a cause that can be treated medically), professional counselling, whatever it takes to work out their problems and learn to cope with them.
