Dear Queenie,
Some time ago a friend told me she was molested when she was a child and I told her I know how she felt because it happened to me too when I was young. Now I have found out that she told some other people we know that I slept around, but she didn’t explain that it was when I was a child and that I was the victim of the ones who molested me.
Queenie, should I explain the truth when the subject comes up? And how do I deal with this woman who told them all this?—Victim again
Dear Victim again,
When the subject comes up, tell people the truth about what happened to you long ago.
You might also mention that when you told your friend about it you had no idea she would talk about it to anyone else. And do not ever again talk to that friend about anything you want kept confidential – that is, if you do not decide to end the friendship altogether.
Dear Queenie,
I get together once a week with a group of other women who are my friends since we were kids. Some of them who are married always bring their husbands along. I have nothing against their husbands, but I don’t understand why some women can’t do anything without their husbands.
Queenie, can you tell me why this is?—Middle-aged spinster
Dear Spinster,
Your friends may think you enjoy their husbands’ company. Or, if their husbands are retired, they may not have any social life without their wives. Or, if a husband is a “control freak” he may not allow his wife to go anywhere without him.
Why not ask these women why they do this, and suggest to them that you would prefer a “women only” outing at least once in a while?
Dear Queenie,
It hurts my feelings when my son calls his wife’s father “Dad”. I’m his “Dad”, I raised him and worked hard to support my family, and I never called my father-in-law “Dad”.
Queenie, that name was just for my father who raised me.—Annoyed father
Dear Father,
Many people who feel close to their in-laws call them by the same names as they call their own parents. Be glad your son has such a good relationship with his father-in-law. However, because it bothers you so much, ask your son if he could call his father-in-law by another name – something like “Papa Smith”, for example – at least when you are all together, so it is clear which one of you he is speaking or referring to.
Dear Queenie,
When we get dressed up to go out, is it stylish or vulgar for my husband to wear a tie that matches the color of my dress?—Fashion Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Some people think it is charming and others think it is tasteless. There is no rule of etiquette about this and it is a minor matter. Do what pleases you and do not worry about what others will think.
Dear Queenie,
My wife’s family are very religious and all the gifts they send on various occasions have a religious theme. Our children are getting a religious education, but it is not something that dominates every minute of our lives and the kids just aren’t interested in all these religious gifts.
Queenie, how can we politely tell those people to leave religion out of it when they are buying gifts?—Fed-up father
Dear Father,
You cannot do that politely. No matter how you try to soft-pedal your request, your hyper-religious in-laws probably will take offence.
Try to keep them informed about your children’s activities and interests and hope they take the hint. If they do not (and they probably will not), make sure the children thank them politely – and then donate the unwanted items to someone who will appreciate them.
