Heartbroken

Dear Queenie,

  I’ve been friends with this guy for years. We talked about everything and anything without any fear. Throughout all those years I had feelings for him but did not wanted to mess our friendship up or his marriage. I had feelings for him before he got married. They were married for 14 years.

  Anyway, it’s almost a year since he got divorced, but he is still in contact with his ex-wife because they have kids together.

  He has been living with me for almost 2 years. In this space of time we became lovers. I have to be careful of what I say to him even though it’s for his best at times. I feel as if I made a wrong decision of being his lover if I do not have a voice for him to acknowledge.

  At times he makes me feel as if he wants to go back with his ex-wife. I do not want to stop him from being happy, but I need to be happy too.

  Queenie, what should I do or say? I don’t want to be a karma of unfair choice.—Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken,

  I think you need more extensive advice than I can give you in this short column.

  You and your lover both need to get professional counselling – separately and/or together – to help you decide what you want to do and, if you decide to stay together, how to do so successfully. And if he will not go for counselling with you or by himself, you should still go by yourself to learn how to cope with the problems in your relationship with him and whether you want to maintain it.