Dear Queenie,

  My brother has a grown-up son about 25 years old who is still going to college and my brother is supporting him and paying his tuition. My nephew failed some of his courses so he took a break and moved back in with his parents but he doesn’t even have a part-time job to help support himself, and he is planning to go back to school as soon as he can and go on having his parents pay for it.

  Queenie, when is it time for parents to make their offspring stand on their own 2 feet?—Disgusted aunt

Dear Aunt,

  Someone in his mid-20s should be at least helping to support himself and his parents should be encouraging him to become independent. After all, what would he and they do if something should happen to end your nephew’s free ride?

  However, this is a private matter between them, so all you can do is suggest to your brother – gently, politely! – that the best thing he can do for his son is teach him to be self-sufficient.

Dear Queenie,

  When I was in college my older brother loaned me money when I needed it and I promised to pay him back when I finished school and got a job. When that time came I sent him a check for the full amount, but he never cashed it. He said he didn’t need the money and he was forgiving the loan.

  Now, many years later, I am doing very well and my brother has asked me to repay the loan after all.

  Queenie, I can afford it and I will send him the money, but what do you think of all this?—Younger sister

Dear Sister,

  Your brother probably forgave the loan years ago because he did not want you to start out on your own with financial difficulties. Now possibly he is having some financial problems of his own and needs the money. Thank him again for his help all those years ago and send him a cheque.

Dear Queenie,

  A distant relative of mine committed a crime and was convicted and sentenced for it. I was never close to that person and never knew anything about what they were doing until it all got made public.

  Sometimes someone who knows we are related will ask me how I feel about that relative and what they did.

  Queenie, what’s a good way to answer such questions without bad-mouthing my relative but still making it clear that I don’t approve of what they did?—Convict’s (distant) cousin

Dear Cousin,

  Tell the person who asks such a question what you have told me – that, yes, you are distantly related to the person who committed that crime, but that you were never close with them and all you know about the crime they committed is what you read and heard in the news.

  And try to forgive the person for asking such a question. Sometimes people start talking before they put their brain in gear.

Dear Queenie,

  My husband told some relatives that they could come here and stay with us for a week on their vacation if they could meet all the pandemic travel requirements.

  I am lucky to still have a job and I work from home part of the time. He is retired and stays home all day but he never does anything to help around the house, so I have to do all the housework in addition to my outside job. I can’t even begin to think how I will get my usual work done, never mind all the extra work of having houseguests for a week.

  Queenie, how do I tell them they can’t stay with us?—Overworked wife

Dear Wife,

  Tell your husband the only way these people can stay with you is if he takes over all the housework while they are here. And if he promises to do so but you are not sure he will keep that promise, tell him – and the relatives – that you just cannot manage having houseguests. Then give the relatives information about local hotels, tell them you look forward to seeing them and offer to take them out to dinner a couple of times while they are here.

  If you can afford it you might also consider hiring someone to do the housework while the guests are here.

  And maybe it will turn out that the relatives cannot meet all the pandemic travel requirements after all.