Dear Queenie,
Now that travel restrictions are loosening up, my family wants to come visit me and my husband for the holidays. I would love to see them again, but when they used to come before they never did anything to help out with all the extra work and expense, like offer to take us out for dinner or buy some supplies, or help with all the extra housework and cooking.
Queenie, how can I make things better?—Overworked hostess
Dear Hostess,
Speak up! Tell them you would love to see them, but that you will expect them to help pay for the additional supplies and to help you with all the extra work you will have to do.
When they are staying with you, speak up again. If possible, take them with you when you go shopping for supplies and ask them for money to help pay the bill. And do not be afraid to ask them for help when you are doing the housework and cooking.
Dear Queenie,
Many years ago I was engaged to get married but my fiancé broke the engagement and later married someone else. Recently he got in touch with me and apologized for what he did back then and said he was divorced and wanted to get back in touch with me again.
I’ve gotten over him and what he did to me back then, but I’m not with anyone right now and I’m curious about what he’s like now.
Queenie, should I take a chance and meet up with him and see what happens?—Ex-fiancée
Dear Ex-fiancée,
Yes, meet up with him and see what he is like now. But if he wants any kind of close relationship with you, you should insist on professional couple’s counselling to learn about what went wrong the first time you were with him and make sure it does not happen again.
Dear Queenie,
I’m a woman who had a head injury that left me with a bald spot on my head. I usually wear a hat when I go out and sometimes someone tells me it’s rude to wear a hat indoors and I should take it off.
Queenie, what’s a good answer for people like that?—Covered head
Dear Covered head,
You could reply that it is even more rude to complain about the way another person dresses without knowing why they dress that way.
You could also talk to a professional hairdresser about getting a hairpiece that you can wear when you go out, instead of a hat.
Dear Queenie,
I don’t like talking to my husband’s family about anything personal because they are gossipy people and whatever I tell them will get spread all over the island, especially now with “social media”. But if I don’t talk to them about what I’ve been doing they tell me not to be so “stuck-up”.
Queenie, how can I avoid telling them what I’ve been doing without them getting vexed?—Fed up with gossip
Dear Fed up,
Tell them all the little stuff that really does not matter to you, like a new recipe you tried out and liked or a new place you found to shop for clothes (the proprietor surely will appreciate the word-of-mouth advertising).
Beyond that, just change the subject by asking them about themselves – surely they will be delighted to bend your ear with all that gossip and you might even learn something about them worth knowing.
Dear Queenie,
I have an expensive vacuum cleaner that my sister keeps wanting to borrow. I keep saying “no” but I think she borrowed it anyway when I was away for a few days and she was looking after the house and feeding my dog.
She can’t afford to buy one of her own and now she wants to borrow it again.
Queenie, how do I say “no” and make it stick? And how do I keep her from borrowing it if I have to go away again?—Older sister
Dear Sister,
You could let your sister borrow the vacuum cleaner, but give it to her without a bag and tell her she will have to buy her own vacuum-cleaner bags – and ask her to take out the bag when she is done so you will not have to clean up after her.
And if you think she might borrow the vacuum cleaner without your permission while you are away, you may have to find someone else to look after your house and feed your dog.
