Dear Queenie,
My husband used to abuse me so I divorced him and went back to live with my parents. I am getting counselling for the mental effect this has had on me, but my mother doesn’t understand why I need counselling. She thinks if it’s over and done with and you don’t talk about it there’s no problem.
Queenie, how can I make her understand about the mental after-effects of my husband’s abuse?—Ex-victim
Dear Ex-victim,
Your mother may be one of those people who think you should be ashamed of having to get help for your mental problems. Perhaps she can go with you to a counselling session and the counsellor can explain why these sessions are so important for you.
Dear Queenie,
My sister and her boyfriend are not married but they have been living together for a long time. A couple of times when she was not around he has kissed me like lovers do. I just pushed him away and didn’t say anything to my sister about it. The last time it happened he also grabbed my breast and I got mad and told him to just leave me alone.
Recently he called me and said he was coming over to do some repairs I needed. I told him not to bother, he is not welcome in my house without my sister. He apologized and asked me to forgive him.
Queenie, should I tell my sister about all of this?—Angry sister
Dear Sister,
You should have told this guy off the first time he made a pass at you. Your not doing so led him to believe his advances were, at the very least, not unwelcome. Now he knows better, and hopefully will behave better.
However, you are going to have to decide whether to tell your sister about the way her boyfriend behaves when she is not around, and how you know about it.
Dear Queenie,
My husband doesn’t believe in giving in to the way you feel when you are sick. He thinks you should just “tough it out” and pretty soon it will all go away. He thinks all this fuss about COVID-19 is just a bunch of “sissies” who don’t know any better. He gets mad at having to wear a mask and sanitise his hands when we go to the market and he won’t bother to get vaccinated. He lost his job when the pandemic started so he doesn’t have to go to work where they would make him wear a mask and keep a social distance.
Queenie, how can I make him understand how serious all this is?—Worried wife
Dear Wife,
If your husband does not believe COVID-19 is a serious matter, he should read the obituaries in this newspaper and the articles about how many persons have died from COVID-19 each week. And if he still doesn’t believe, you might want to consider a trial separation from him until you have had your vaccinations and/or until the pandemic is over – or at least has started to get under control.
You do not say whether you and your husband have children. If you do, you should think seriously about how you can protect them from their father’s disbelief.
Dear Queenie,
Why does someone who goes alone to an event have to pay more to get in than someone who has a date? I sometimes see them charge something like $25 for a single ticket but $40 for a couple.
Queenie, why don’t they charge the same for everyone? Do you think this is fair?—Just wondering
Dear Just wondering,
Did you ever hear the expression “cheaper by the dozen”? It is the same logic as buying in bulk at the supermarket. The idea is to sell as many tickets as they can. And at the kind of event you are thinking of, there is another pertinent expression: “the more the merrier”, meaning when more people attend everyone has more fun (including the organisers, who will raise more money).
Dear Queenie,
I’m an unmarried woman that is overweight even though I try to watch what I eat and exercise a lot. My problem is that all my extra weight is in my stomach and people always think I’m pregnant and ask me when the baby is due.
Queenie, what more can I do?—Not pregnant
Dear Not pregnant,
Do you wear any kind of girdle or corset? If not, try it.
You can also discuss this with your doctor (if you have not done so already) to
learn more about ways to lose the excess weight.
