Dear Queenie,
I have been married for more than 30 years and these days my wife spends all her time online or visiting her friends and relatives, and when she goes to bed she is so tired that she goes right to sleep. I can’t even remember when is the last time we had sex.
Queenie, could she be cheating on me with someone else?—Frustrated husband
Dear Husband,
If you have been married for more than 30 years your wife has reached the age when women go through menopause, and after menopause women often lose interest in sex – if fact, it often becomes actually painful for them – so I doubt that your wife is cheating on you. She probably is just trying to avoid what may be a painful experience for her.
Talk to your wife about this, and maybe also to her gynaecologist.
Dear Queenie,
My family is never affectionate with each other. I asked my mother why she never hugs me and she said she can’t remember when I ever tried to hug her.
Queenie, why doesn’t my mother understand? Doesn’t she love me?—Unhappy Teenager
Dear Teenager,
I am sure your mother loves you, but she may not know how to show it. She may have been raised in the way she treats you, or her marriage to your father may be so unhappy that she has shut herself down from all kinds of affection.
Try to smile at your mother as much as you can and to hug her more often, and things may get better for you.
Dear Queenie,
I am a grown woman, happily married, with children. Sometimes when I am running errands a man I am dealing with will call me “dear”. It even happened a couple of times at a doctor’s appointment. I find this inappropriate and even embarrassing.
Queenie, what is the best way to reply to this?—“Dear” Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Sometimes people (not just men) call someone “dear” out of force of habit, or because they cannot remember the other person’s name. If it really bothers you, tell them – gently, politely! – “My name is (whatever),” and repeat as necessary.
Dear Queenie,
I suspect my father has an outside child. He has been privately FaceTiming them (mother and son) and deleted their conversations. I am tempted to ask him but don’t know how.
Queenie, can you give me any ideas about how to ask him?—Uncertain
Dear Uncertain,
You could tell your father you accidentally overheard him talking to these people and ask him who they are without mentioning the fact that he deleted the conversations, but be prepared – he may want to punish you for eavesdropping (which you apparently deserve for snooping – how else could you know that he deleted the conversations?).
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been going together for several years and we are starting to think about getting a place of our own and living together. We both have jobs and we think we can afford it. But when I told my mother what we are thinking about, she said it would change my relationship with her.
Queenie, I don’t want to hurt her, but I want to live my own life. What do you have to say about all this?—Mom’s only child
Dear Only child,
Your mother may be afraid of losing the special relationship she has with you. Has she met your boyfriend? If not, introduce them and give her a chance to consider that if you live with him she will not be losing a daughter but gaining a “son-out-of-law”.
However, your mother also may have religious objections to your living with a man “out of wedlock”. That is a very special consideration about which I cannot advise you.
