Dear Queenie,

  Someone I know mentioned that her daughter is pregnant, but never said anything about who the father is. If her daughter was married I could take it for granted, although even then I might be wrong, but she isn’t.

  Queenie, would I be out of line to ask?—Just curious

Dear Just curious,

  The grandmother-to-be may not know who the father is, or there may be some reason for keeping it quiet – like if the guy is married to someone else than her daughter. To avoid starting any trouble, you will just have to stay curious.

Dear Queenie,

  My husband’s cousin built a new house and my husband, who is a plumber, agreed to do all the plumbing work for it for free (except for the cost of parts) but in all the time he was working they never even offered him a snack or a meal or anything to compensate for the distance he had to travel to get from his home to the new house and back home (not a short drive). And since they moved into the new house they have never invited us to visit, not even for events where most of the family came.

  Queenie, should we say something or keep quiet for the sake of peace in the family?—Angry cousin’s wife

Dear Wife,

  It is possible that your husband’s cousin assumed that the offer of free work included the cost of transportation and they were not in a position to offer snacks or meals, and that they now assume that you know about the family events and do not need a specific invitation.

  Have you and/or your husband had any contact with the cousin since the work was completed? Try wishing them happy holidays and asking them how the plumbing is working. And if you host any family gatherings, be sure to include them – it might teach them something about family hospitality.

Dear Queenie,

  My boyfriend and I have been together for several years and we are talking about getting married, but he has never actually proposed to me.

  Queenie, is it wrong for me to expect him to actually ask me to marry him (he doesn’t have to get down on bended knee) and give me an engagement ring?—Engagement Etty Ket

Dear Etty Ket,

  Is your boyfriend a mind-reader? I doubt it. Find a way to let him know what you would like from him, but as a hint or a request, not a demand.

Dear Queenie,

  A dear relative died some time ago and I still remember him with sadness. Sometimes I hear people talking about him and saying not-so-nice things about him.

  Queenie, how can I get them not to talk that way about him?—Still in mourning

Dear Still in mourning,

  Just tell them he was your relative and you still miss him and you wish they would not talk that way about him where you can hear them.

  You can also look for a grief support group. A professional counsellor, or your clergyperson if you are a religious person, can probably help you find one.