Dear Queenie,
My daughter has a serious medical condition. She is being treated for it, but her treatments leave her tired out and she can’t do much housework or take much care of the children, especially on treatment days. In the beginning her husband would help out a lot, but as time goes on he does less and less and leaves more and more for her to do.
I tried to talk to him about this, but he got mad and said I don’t care about him, only about my daughter, and I’m lucky he even lets me in their house.
Queenie, I’m worried about my daughter. She is not going to get better if she is exhausted all the time. I try to help out, but there is only just so much I can do for her. What more can I do?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
I am sure your son-in-law is as worried about his wife as you are. However, there is also just so much he can do for her, especially if he also has a job, even just a part-time one.
Can you afford to hire someone to help out around their house, even just part-time and/or occasionally? If your son-in-law has a job, could he afford to help with the cost?
At the very least, avoid quarrelling, or even just arguing, with your son-in-law, which just causes stress for your daughter, which is the last thing she needs on top of her other problems.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have been married for several years and all our families can talk about is when we’re going to have children. We both have advanced university degrees and good jobs with prospects for advancement and we are finally able to start putting away something for the future, but they never congratulate us for what we have accomplished, they only want to talk about us having children.
Queenie, I’m getting tired of being polite to them. What’s a good answer I can give to shut them up?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
Tell them you will have children when you are ready and do not wish to discuss the subject any further, and if they persist you will leave. Then do so if necessary.
If this happens when the interrogator is a guest in your home, start talking about something else entirely and do not let them interrupt you.
Dear Queenie,
My wife is a flirt and always has been – that is how I met her. One time she told a repairman in our home, flirtingly, to come back and see her some time.
I’ve told her I don’t like to hear things like that, and what if the man takes her up on it? But she says I should know she doesn’t really mean anything by it and not to let it bother me.
I say she should not talk to other men that way. She says she’s not doing anything wrong.
Queenie, who is right?—Angry husband
Dear Husband,
It is disrespectful to you for your wife to talk to other men that way, even though you know she does not mean anything by it and will not follow through if they try to take her up on it. Remind her how much you love her, how much it hurts your feelings when she behaves that way and what trouble she could be in if some man does take her up on it. Then let it go and hope she will behave better in the future.
Dear Queenie,
I pay my rent and other bills on time and I do not owe anyone any money and I even manage to save a little for emergencies, but I do not have anything to spend on things like eating out or other entertainment.
I have friends who are always inviting me to go out and do things with them that I just can’t afford. I’ve told them that I can’t afford what they want to do but they still keep asking me out.
Any suggestions, Queenie?—Not broke, but not well-off
Dear Not Well-off,
Keep telling your friends that you cannot afford whatever it is they want you to do with them and hope that eventually they will get the idea.
It might also help if you can suggest non-expensive – or even free – alternatives that they might also enjoy, on which you could join them.
Dear Queenie,
I went to a restaurant for dinner with some friends and they paid the bill for all of us, including the tip for the waitress. When we were leaving I got a look at the bill and the tip they left was just the minimum amount.
I used to wait on tables at a restaurant and I know what a hard time that waitress had with us, so I added something to the tip.
Queenie, did I do something wrong?—Generous patron
Dear Generous patron,
If anyone had seen you looking at the bill and adding to the tip they might have been offended, so that was not a good idea. As it was not your party you were not responsible for the tip, but you could have just discretely left something under your plate, or thanked the waitress on your way out and slipped it to her then.
