Dear Queenie,
My wife and I wanted to have a family, but we both have medical problems that make it impossible for her to get pregnant the normal way. We finally managed to have a baby with lots of medical assistance (a sperm donor and in-vitro fertilization) and now our son is almost ready to start kindergarten.
Queenie, we know we will eventually have to explain all this to our son, but how do we do this without the whole family finding out and starting a lot of talk about it?—Proud (but private) parents

Dear Parents,
When your child(ren) is(are) old enough to learn the “facts of life” just tell him(them) the basic facts of his(their) conception and answer questions, if any, in an age-appropriate manner.
Fertility problems are not a shameful secret anymore, and I doubt the matter will become the subject of gossip when/if anyone else finds out.

Dear Queenie,
I live far away from where I grew up and have a lot of friends and relatives back there. I keep in touch with them by email and Facebook and when I go back there to visit they want to get together with me, but it’s a long expensive trip and when I get there I just want to take it easy and be with the people I’m staying with.
When the others find out I’m there or if they find out after I’ve gone home, some of them complain about me not letting them know I am/was there so we could get together.
Queenie, what’s a polite way to tell them I don’t want to spend my vacation time with them? Or should I give them some time too?—Tired Traveller

Dear Tired Traveller,
Why not arrange for some kind of get-together with the whole group of “others” while you are there on vacation?
If you do not want to do that, just pay no attention to their complaining, or explain (briefly and politely) that you needed to rest up from the long trip there and for the equally long trip home, and just did not have much time for socialising.

Dear Queenie,
My daughter-in-law studied nutrition when she was in college, but she doesn’t seem to have learned to apply the rules of good nutrition to herself. She drinks all kind of soft drinks and even adds sugar or syrup to some of them. I made a good breakfast for her – eggs, fruit and a muffin – and she ate a candy bar.
Her husband, my son, told me she has dental problems and high blood pressure and you can see for yourself that she is more than a little bit overweight.
Now she is pregnant and I worry about what effect her kind of diet will have on the baby.
Queenie, what can I do?—Worried grand-mother-to-be

Dear Grand-mother-to-be,
You should also worry about the effect your daughter-in-law’s kind of diet will have on her child(ren) after he/she/they is/are born.
Talk to her husband, your son, and ask if his wife’s obstetrician is aware of the way his wife eats. Your son should go with her to one of her appointments with her doctor (or make a separate visit to the doctor himself, if necessary) to make sure the matter is properly addressed.
However, if your son is not open to this discussion, do not press the issue. He and his wife will just have to learn their lessons the hard way. I feel sorry for their child(ren) if they do not.

Dear Queenie,
I have a condition that makes me have to use a cane for walking. Lots of times someone will ask me if I’m OK, which I don’t mind, but then some of them will ask me what my problem is.
Queenie, is there such a thing as a polite way to tell them to MYOB?—Disabled Etty Ket

Dear Etty Ket,
When someone asks whether you are okay, thank them for their concern. But if they go on to ask you what your problem is, ask them in return (as politely as you can manage), “Why would you ask me such a personal question?” and walk away.