Dear Queenie,
My wife’s mother always ran her life before we were married and she still picks out her clothes and chooses where we should live and plans all family occasions and calls her all the time about every little thing and has no regard for my schedule or what I would rather have or do.
Queenie, my wife takes it for granted, but I think it’s rude. How can I change things?—Angry husband
Dear Husband,
Lifelong habits are hard to change. You will have to talk this over with your wife and come to some agreement about what changes you want to make. (Professional counselling might help.)
At best it will be difficult and will take some time, and if your wife does not cooperate it will not happen at all.
Dear Queenie,
My father wants to have my children’s names tattooed on his arms. I don’t really like tattoos and I certainly don’t want to have my children’s names on display for everyone to see, but even if I say anything I don’t think he will listen to me.
Queenie, is there any way I can stop him from doing this?—Offended offspring
Dear Offspring,
You can ask him not to do this and explain why you are against the idea, but there is no way you can stop your father from doing whatever he wants with his own body. If he goes ahead and does it anyway, for the sake of peace in the family take it as (literally) a sign that he loves his grandchildren and is proud of them, and do not say anything more about it.
Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who has such bad breath that it is hard to be close enough to them to have a conversation.
Queenie, should I say something to them? I’m sure it must cause a problem with other people too.—Disgusted friend
Dear Disgusted friend,
Yes, you should say something to them – quietly and in private! It may be difficult, even embarrassing, but in the long run you will be doing them a favour. Mention that bad breath can be a symptom of a dental or physical problem and suggest that they see a dentist and/or a doctor.
Dear Queenie,
Our parents are divorced and our father lives on another island. He has a small apartment, only one bedroom, and when my sister and I visit him he gives us the bedroom and he sleeps in the living room on a sofa.
Now he has another man living with him and we don’t know what arrangements they will make for us the next time we visit.
Queenie, is there any way we can get out of going to visit them?—Teenage daughters
Dear Daughters,
Is it possible that your father is gay and this other man is not just his roommate, but his “partner”? Whatever the case may be, I am certain your father and his roommate will do their very best to make your visit pleasant and comfortable for you. And as there are now two of them, you may find that they have moved to a larger apartment or maybe even a house.
Try to enjoy visiting with your father, and remember that in a few more years you and your sister will be legally adult and will not have to visit your father if you do not want to.
Dear Queenie,
I’m a computer expert and I have my own business, working from my home. My regular clients all deal with me professionally, but there are a lot of friends and relatives and even just neighbors who keep asking me for answers to what they say are “quick questions”, but their problems usually take a lot of time to fix, and they never offer to pay me for the time that I could have spent working for a paying client.
Queenie, what is a pleasant way to deal with these people professionally?—Computer expert
Dear Computer expert,
When they call you, tell them up-front how much you charge per hour for your services and ask them where to send the bill. Then, if they are family or friends you can give them a discount, stating clearly on their bill exactly how much the discount is or telling them up-front that you will do so.
