Dear Queenie,

For a couple years I have been seeing a man I thought I would end up marrying. He says he loves me, but he won’t consider us living together, and he often takes off time to go visit his family but he never takes me with him to meet them.

Now he is planning to move away to be closer to his family, but there is no thought of taking me with him. He talks about a long-distance relationship, but I don’t see how that can work out.

Queenie, what do you think?—Sad girlfriend

Dear Girlfriend,

I do not think there is as much in this relationship as you think, and apparently it is about to be over. Sorry!

Dear Queenie,

I have a friend who is a single mother like me, but she has no other family here and not many friends and a lot of problems. I try to help her as much as I can, but sometimes it’s just too much for me to handle, like now.

I got a few days off from work to spend time with my family and when she found out I have the time off she asked me to take care of her kids for a day or two so they wouldn’t have to go to daycare. I would like to help her, but I have made plans with my family that I don’t think I can take her kids to.

Queenie, I don’t want to be mean to her and her kids. What can I do?—Overwhelmed friend

Dear Friend,

Sometimes you have to just say “No” even to a good friend. It does not mean you are being rude or mean to them, it is just the way things are.

Do you or anyone in your family know any community organisation(s) or other resource(s) where your friend might be able to get some help? If so, do your friend the favour of referring her to it or them, especially when her needs are more than you can handle.

Dear Queenie,

My husband and I have been very careful over the years not to spend more than we can afford and to put away some of our income in savings for a rainy day. On the other hand, my sister has not been so careful about things and whenever she has a problem she turns to us for help because we are so “lucky” to be fairly well-off.

Queenie, what is a polite way to explain to her that we are not “lucky”, we are “careful”, and we don’t owe it to her to help out whenever she needs it?—Older sister

Dear Sister,

Just tell her, “Yes, we have been fortunate (a better word for it than ‘lucky’),” and change the subject.

Dear Queenie,

I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for almost a year now but my parents haven’t met her yet because they are very racist and she is from a different ethnic group than us. When I go out with her I tell them I’m going out with some friends, but I suspect they know that’s not exactly true.

I’m afraid if they meet my girlfriend they will not be very nice to her.

Queenie, is there anything I can do to make things better?—Worried boyfriend

Dear Boyfriend,

Your parents probably wonder why they have not met your girlfriend yet and they may suspect what the reason is.

If your girlfriend does not already know about all this, explain it to her now and tell her you want to introduce her to your folks and hope she is prepared for their reaction. Then let her decide whether she wants to meet them – and whether she even wants to keep on seeing you under these circumstances.