Dear Queenie,
A friend of my wife has a dog, but she doesn’t take good care of it. She feeds it well and plays with it when she is at home, but it is not housebroken and she lives in an apartment so she doesn’t have a yard where she can leave it out all day, so the dog stays cooped up in a crate while she is at work. It barks a lot, so she puts a muzzle on it.
I have suggested that she should spend more time with the dog and try to get it properly trained, but I was just told to mind my own business.
Queenie, is there anything more I can do?—Animal lover
Dear Animal lover,
This could be classified as animal abuse. Make a report to the local humane society.
Dear Queenie,
We have some friends who are not as well-off as we are and when we make plans to do something with them we have to be sure it is something they can afford, but this really limits the things we can do with them.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Feeling restricted
Dear Feeling restricted,
When you want to see them, choose to do something they can afford. When you want to do something they may not be able to afford, let them know you are prepared to help them with the expense and do not be offended if they decline the invitation.
Dear Queenie,
When I some friends visited me at home they brought their children with them and the kids just ran around and made a mess of our house. They bounced on chairs and the sofa and threw things around and spilled food all over, not just by the table. It took us hours to clean up after they left and for sure we won’t invite them into our house again.
But Queenie, what should we do if something like this happens another time?—Angry hosts
Dear Hosts,
In a case like this, if the parents do not control their children, it is okay to tell the children, “We do not do that in our house!” and ask their parents (several times, if necessary, and as politely as you can manage!) to please keep an eye on their kids.
If you can, and have space for it, give the children some toys to play with or a TV programme to watch, and if that does not work you can ask the parents to take their children home because they cannot settle down quietly.
And if you ever want to invite their parents again, be sure to specify that the invitation is “adults only”, they should not bring their children with them.
Dear Queenie,
My grandson is almost 30 but he still lives with his parents. He has lost several jobs because he drinks too much, even during working hours, but his parents don’t say anything to him about his drinking and won’t let me say anything either.
Queenie, I’m worried that his drinking may cause him to have medical problems if we don’t do anything about it. What do you suggest?—Worried grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
Sometimes people drink because of psychological problems they cannot cope with, and you are right, the drinking can lead to physical problems also. But it is difficult to help them if they will not admit they have a problem and are not willing to be helped.
You can contact Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org) for information and support, and if you can get your grandson to talk to his doctor about any other problems he has, the doctor may be able to help him too.
Dear Queenie,
Ever since our daughter graduated from college and moved out of our house my wife has been filling her room with all sorts of stuff – clothes, papers, stuff she buys at yard sales or online. Now the room is so full you can hardly move around in it and we have even rented a storage locker.
She will never sort through all that stuff. She promises to do it, but she always has something else to do and never gets around to it.
Queenie, I am thinking about throwing out some of the stuff the next time she goes to visit our daughter, but then what would my wife do?—Fed-up husband
Dear Husband,
Your wife’s hoarding may have been triggered by the stress of having your daughter “leave the nest” and she probably could benefit from professional treatment for her behaviour. Your family doctor can refer you to a counsellor.
Meanwhile, it would not be a good idea to just start “throwing out some of the stuff” she has accumulated.
