Dear Queenie,
My adult daughter, who is soon to be married, still has a roomful of stuff stored in our house, but now my husband and I are planning to move into a smaller house and we won’t have room for all of her things. We asked her to take it all off our hands but up to now she hasn’t done it.
Queenie, should we rent a storage unit and have them send her the bill or should we just pack up all her stuff and dump it on her doorstep?—Fed-up mother
Dear Mother,
Give your daughter a deadline by which all her stuff must be out of your house and tell her that if she does not meet that deadline, you will dispose of it however you can.
If it comes to the latter, I would suggest donating anything worthwhile to whatever charitable organisation can make good use of it, and just dumping out whatever they do not take.
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend and I are talking about getting married, but she never talks about her ex-marriage or her ex-husband and I have to wonder why they got divorced.
Queenie, would it be okay for me to ask him about it, or should I ask her if she would mind if I talk to him?I think I need to know why they got divorced.—Her present boyfriend
Dear Boyfriend,
You can expect to hear negative things about your girlfriend from her ex-husband; after all, they had their reasons for getting divorced. And your girlfriend may object to this plan, possibly with very good reason for being afraid of what you might hear. But if you are seriously concerned about what you might learn about her, go ahead and do it.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have been very careful over the years not to spend more than we can afford and to put away some of our income in savings for a rainy day. On the other hand, my sister has not been so careful about things and whenever she has a problem she turns to us for help because we are so “lucky” to be fairly well-off.
Queenie, what is a polite way to explain to her that we are not “lucky”, we are “careful”, and we don’t owe it to her to help out whenever she needs it?—Older sister
Dear Sister,
Just tell her, “Yes, we have been fortunate (a better word for it than ‘lucky’),” and change the subject.
Dear Queenie,
For a couple years I have been seeing a man I thought I would end up marrying. He says he loves me, but he won’t consider us living together, and he often takes off time to go visit his family but he never takes me with him to meet them.
Now he is planning to move away to be closer to his family, but there is no thought of taking me with him. He talks about a long-distance relationship, but I don’t see how that can work out.
Queenie, what do you think?—Sad girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
I do not think there is as much in this relationship as you think, and apparently it is about to be over. Sorry!
Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who is a single mother like me, but she has no other family here and not many friends and a lot of problems. I try to help her as much as I can, but sometimes it’s just too much for me to handle, like now.
I got a few days off from work to spend time with my family and when she found out I have the time off she asked me to take care of her kids for a day or two so they wouldn’t have to go to daycare. I would like to help her, but I have made plans with my family that I don’t think I can take her kids to.
Queenie, I don’t want to be mean to her and her kids. What can I do?—Overwhelmed friend
Dear Friend,
Sometimes you have to just say “No” even to a good friend. It does not mean you are being rude or mean to them, it is just the way things are.
Do you or anyone in your family know any community organisation(s) or other resource(s) where your friend might be able to get some help? If so, do your friend the favour of referring her to it or them, especially when her needs are more than you can handle.
