Dear Queenie,
I’m in college and my family keeps calling me for some kind of problem.
Queenie, should I ignore them and concentrate on my studies or keep on dropping everything else to help them when they need it?—Frustrated daughter
Dear Daughter,
Every time you pitch in to help your family they become more dependent on you. If you are going to meet your goals in life you will have to set some limits. Let them know when you are too busy and turn off your phone. You will do better and they will learn to do more without you.
Dear Queenie,
My son had a child with his former girlfriend and since they broke up he pays child support because he legally has to, but otherwise he doesn’t pay any attention to the child. He is like his father, who paid very little attention to him.
Fortunately my husband and I are on good terms with the ex and we see our grandson very often.
Queenie, what can we do about all this?—Worried Grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
Children often grow up to be like their parent of the same sex. If your son is willing to try, a class in parenting might help him learn how to be a better father. Meanwhile, your grandson needs all the love and attention you can give him.
Dear Queenie,
My children and I live with my boyfriend for financial reasons. When we have a disagreement he stops speaking to me or helping around the house and he stops paying any attention to my children.
I have suggested that we get counselling, but he refuses to go.
Queenie, how do I make my children understand why he treats them that way and why we stay with him?—Unhappy girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
There are many reasons people live together and financial neediness is one of them. You do not need to explain this to your children. Keep asking your boyfriend to go with you for counselling, but if he still refuses, go by yourself. It will help you find better ways to communicate with him and to protect your children from the way he treats them.
Dear Queenie,
My sister is much older than I am. We get along alright, but we have never been close.
I am planning to get married and I have asked a close friend to be in the wedding party, but not my sister. She is mad at me and might not even attend the wedding and my parents are upset about it all.
Queenie, should I have asked my sister before my friends?—Wedding Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
It is customary to have siblings in one’s wedding party. If it is not too late, apologise and ask her to stand up with you. Even if she refuses, which she may do, being asked should make her feel better.
Dear Queenie,
My niece is only 18 years old and she is dating a man who is over 30.
Queenie, I don’t want to vex her, but how can I make her understand that he is so much too old for her?—Worried aunt
Dear Aunt,
Telling your niece this man is too old for her would imply that she is too young to be dating him, and she would not like to hear that. Just tell her you think she would be better off with someone closer to her own age.
