Dear Queenie,
My teenage son came home from school the other day and told me he had met his grandmother on the road and she hit him for no reason and then made him get in the car so she could drive him home.
It’s not the first time she has done it. She has hit him other times when I wasn’t around. She wouldn’t dare do it when I could see! She used to treat her own children like this and they don’t want anything to do with her anymore. Now my boy is beginning to hate his grandmother too for the way she treats him.
Queenie, what is the best way to handle this? I don’t want to have to keep my kids away from their grandmother.—Angry parent
Dear Angry parent,
I do not like to recommend keeping children and grandparents apart, but abusive behaviour cannot be tolerated.
Make it clear to her that if it happens again you will file a formal complaint with the police for assault and/or child abuse. Then, if necessary, do it!
You could also try to make her understand that her abuse has driven her children away from her and now she is about to lose her grandchildren as well, and suggest she get some counselling on anger management. You might get some literature on the subject from Safe Haven and give it to her.
However, I do not hold out much hope that she will heed your advice. Abusers usually blame everyone else for the results of their own behaviour.
