Dear Queenie,
I have always prided myself on being polite to everyone. However, my husband is vexed with me for being rude to his mother. He says I was unfriendly to her and refused to talk to her when we were visiting his family over the holidays.
Queenie, the woman is impossible! She can’t forgive me for “taking her little boy away from her” and she goes on and on about how she never sees him anymore and I am keeping him away from her and then she starts criticising my clothes and my makeup and the way I take care of our children.
I’m a good mother, but I don’t spoil my children like she did hers. I was brought up to obey my parents and follow certain rules and be polite to my elders, and I am bringing up my children the same way.
I try to be polite to her, but frankly, I can’t stand her! How much of her nastiness do I have to take, anyway?—Fed up daughter-in-law
Dear Fed up,
It is easy to be pleasant to people you like, or at least don’t care about one way or the other. Having good manners means at least being civil even to people you don’t like. If you can’t manage to do that, you can’t claim to have good manners at all.
However, your husband should be sensitive to your feelings as well as his mother’s. Talk this over with him and ask for his help. Perhaps the two of you can work out some signal so that you can let him know unobtrusively when it is time for him to intervene and help you escape from his mother’s tirade.
Meanwhile, try to be patient with her, for his sake and to set a good example for your children.
