Dear Queenie,
I’ve been married for 5 years. We have a year-old baby and our next one is due in a couple of months. On top of that I work full-time.
My husband used to drink a lot before we got married. He didn’t stop after we got married but he drinks a lot less now, but his idea of good time is still to go out with his friends and get falling-down slurring-his-words drunk. He spends his day off drinking too.
He celebrated his birthday by having a drinking party with a lot of his friends. I can’t drink because I am pregnant, so I took the baby and spent the night at my parents’ house.
On my birthday we went to a nice restaurant for dinner, but he drank a lot of wine and beer and by the time we left he was stumbling all over the place and bumping into other people’s tables and laughing as if it was a big joke. I was so embarrassed I just walked away and left him there.
Queenie, I’ve tried to talk to him about his drinking, but he just says I’m making something out of nothing. Is he right? Is this kind of drinking normal for a man in his 20s?—Sober wife
Dear Sober wife,
No, he is wrong. This kind of drinking is not normal or healthy for a man of any age. But it is typical behaviour for an alcoholic, as is his refusal to admit that it is a problem.
Your husband will not change until he admits he has a problem and decides to do something about it. When he does, I recommend he join the local chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA).
Meanwhile, I suggest you contact Al-Anon, the sister organisation for relatives/friends of alcoholics. AA can put you in touch with the local chapter, if there is one, or you can check out its website.
And remember that a tendency to alcoholism can be inherited, so discuss it with your children when they are old enough to understand.
