Dear Queenie,
I’ve always enjoyed reading your column and find that you usually give some really good advice to people with problems, no matter what it may be. I’m hoping that this time you can help me in my dilemma.
My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly two years now and most of the time things are real good. The usual ups and downs as all relationships would have.
The problem is that when things are bad, they’re real bad. During an argument we all might say things that we may not really mean which is one problem with us. But the big problem that we have is during these arguments she has the tendency of becoming physically violent towards me and at times tries to hit me with anything that she can find.
This is my first real relationship, but not her first one. I know that she has been physically abused by her lovers in the past and I think that this is one of the reasons she’s acting out with all these emotions towards me.
Many people would say I should just leave her and that I’m foolish to stay. But nevertheless this is love and even if we do break-up I would still like for her to get some psychological help, at least to help her with her future as well as future relationships with other people.
Queenie, I love her and only want the best for her. Do you know of any psychologists that she can go to?—Abuser’s boyfriend
Dear Abuser’s boyfriend,
There are psychologists on the island, but I never refer a reader to any specific doctor or counsellor. Ask your family doctor, Safe Haven and/or the Women’s Desk for a referral.
I must warn you, however, that it will do very little good unless and until your girlfriend admits she has a problem and truly wants to be helped to overcome it.
If you have trouble persuading her to go, ask her to join you for counselling as a couple, to learn to disagree, even to argue, without “fighting dirty”, saying things you don’t really mean and becoming physically violent.
