Dear Queenie,
I started dating this guy a few months ago and I like him a lot, except when he gets high. I finally told him how I felt and he said he loved me and how long should he quit for? I said one month and then we’d see, but if he got high during the month that would be the end of it for me.
Now he says the promise doesn’t count because he was high when he made it. He says he can quit whenever he wants to, he just doesn’t want to. He says I’m trying to control him and he isn’t going to let me.
Queenie, I don’t want to see him ruin his life. Do you think I should do what I said and break up with him?—Worried about him
Dear Worried about him,
Absolutely! That “quit whenever he wants to” line is typical of people who are addicted to alcohol or any other drug, and so is the attempt to blame you for “trying to control him.” He has made it plain that, however much he may love you, he loves his addiction more.
There is nothing you can do to help him. He has to do it for himself. But you shouldn’t let his addiction ruin your life too. If he doesn’t keep his promise to stop, keep yours and dump him immediately, with no looking back. It is possible that the shock will convince him to get help for his addiction, but don’t count on it.
If he honestly tries to stop but can’t, and asks for help, refer him to the local chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous if he drinks too much, or to Turning Point if he is addicted to some other kind of drug.
Dear Queenie,
When we went away to different universities last fall the guy I was dating all through high school and I decided to take some time off from each other and date other people.
I got together with a guy from my new school and I like him a lot, and I hear my “ex” was dating other girls at his new school. But when we were home on Christmas vacation, my “ex” said he wanted us to get back together again and he’s talking like he wants us to get married.
I still have feelings for him, but not like before, and I don’t want to break up with my new boyfriend.
Queenie, what do you think I should do?—Can’t decide
Dear Can’t decide,
You finished high school last year. That makes you about 18 or 19 years old. You are going to university and still have several years of school in front of you, not to mention the career you may wish to follow after you graduate.
You and your “ex” are going to different schools and long-distance relationships are very hard to maintain, even for people with more maturity and experience than you have. Does your “ex” want to transfer to your school or you to transfer to his, or does he expect you to quit school to marry him?
Whatever the answer to these questions, you are very young to be considering a lifelong commitment like marriage. Furthermore, your feelings for your new boyfriend indicate that you are moving on with your life, whether or not your “ex” is doing so.
Tell him you are not yet ready to tie yourself down. I promise you, when the right man asks you at the right time, there will be no question in your mind as to what answer you should give him.
Dear Queenie,
Often on a road in Union Farm you see dead dogs, cats, rats, chickens, mongoose, goats, sheep, etc. Sometimes the driver who killed them moves the carcass from the road into the bushes. But often they leave it until someone else takes care of it or it rots away by itself. Sometimes the smell is so terrible for those people who walk on that road.
The problem is that maybe the driver doesn’t see the animals by night, because the road doesn’t have any streetlights. Union Farm is private land; maybe the owner or owners don’t give the government or GEBE any permission to put streetlights on that road.
If it happens to animals it can happen to human beings too. Thank God it didn’t happen yet. I think that the government should close that road for traffic by night for the safety of the people. Put some kerosene lanterns to alleviate the problem, and to make it possible for people who live in Union Farm to drive through another road by night to reach home.
Queenie, what do you think about the idea?—Union Farm resident
Dear Union Farm resident,
I’m not familiar with area at night, but it sounds like a good idea.
Are there people living along that road? If so, each house could put out a light at night and the road would be fairly well lit. You don’t have to wait for government to do it, you know.
Perhaps you could take the matter up with your community council. And if there is no community council in the area, perhaps it’s time to form one. I understand the members of the St. Peters Community Council would be happy to assist.
Dear Queenie,
I’m fifteen and I want to go to college when I get out of high school, but no one in my family has ever gone, not my parents or any of my sisters or brothers, and my parents say they can’t afford it anyway.
All my friends say I’m just being a snob and trying to show off how smart I think I am.
Queenie, do you think I should give up the idea?—Ambitious teenager
Dear Ambitious teenager,
No, I do not think you should give up the idea. For one thing, statistics show that people who have a college education have a far greater income throughout their lives than those who don’t.
I have never heard from anyone who regretted going to college, but I have had plenty of letters from people who didn’t go and wished later on that they had.
If money is a problem, plan to go to University of St. Martin to start. You will have a better chance of receiving government assistance and, if necessary, you can transfer to a college abroad later on. You will also be able to work part-time while you are going to school.
You could also do some research on the Internet. Many colleges in the United States have scholarships available especially for foreign students. You might qualify for one of those.
Dear Queenie,
One of my husband’s friends is always bragging about his sexual exploits. He doesn’t know I happen to work with one of the women he brags about and I don’t believe he is telling the truth about her because I have met her husband and I am sure they are happily married.
Queenie, should I tell her what he is saying or keep my mouth shut?—Co-worker
Dear Co-worker,
By all means tell her. She has a right to know if someone is slandering her, so she can take the appropriate action. And if he is telling the truth, she should know that her behaviour is no secret!
You will probably know from her reaction which is the case.
