Dear Queenie,
I started dating this guy a few months ago and I like him a lot, except when he gets high. I finally told him how I felt and he said he loved me and how long should he quit for? I said one month and then we’d see, but if he got high during the month that would be the end of it for me.
Now he says the promise doesn’t count because he was high when he made it. He says he can quit whenever he wants to, he just doesn’t want to. He says I’m trying to control him and he isn’t going to let me.
Queenie, I don’t want to see him ruin his life. Do you think I should do what I said and break up with him?—Worried about him
Dear Worried about him,
Absolutely! That “quit whenever he wants to” line is typical of people who are addicted to alcohol or any other drug, and so is the attempt to blame you for “trying to control him.” He has made it plain that, however much he may love you, he loves his addiction more.
There is nothing you can do to help him. He has to do it for himself. But you shouldn’t let his addiction ruin your life too. If he doesn’t keep his promise to stop, keep yours and dump him immediately, with no looking back. It is possible that the shock will convince him to get help for his addiction, but don’t count on it.
If he honestly tries to stop but can’t, and asks for help, refer him to the local chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous if he drinks too much, or to Turning Point if he is addicted to some other kind of drug.
