Dear Queenie,
My sister is always complaining about people (mostly women, it seems) who call their children, friends, relatives, whoever, to dump on them about their problems.
I used to have the same problem with our mother, but my boyfriend, who is a psychologist, taught me a wonderful trick that worked like a charm and I’ll bet would work for other folks too, so would you pass it on?
Queenie, tell them when the person is dumping on them, they shouldn’t give the person any sympathy, they should just repeat back whatever the person is saying. Like if my mother starts complaining that my Dad doesn’t take her out often enough, I repeat back to her, “So you’re telling me Dad doesn’t take you out very often.” And so on.
But (now here’s the good part) when she talks pleasantly about something, like if she says it’s a nice day, I give her lots of good conversation on the subject: “Yes, isn’t the weather great? I’ll bet your garden is blooming. Mine sure is!” And so on and so on. It’s called positive feedback and it works every time.—Undumped-on daughter
Dear Daughter,
It’s a great idea. I tried it out on my least favourite caller and, as you say, it worked like a charm, although it took a little while. Thanks for your input.
