Dear Queenie,

My mother was simply beautiful when she was young, but now she’s going on 90 and she looks her age.

She loves to go through her old photo albums with all the pictures of her when she was young, but what do I say to her when she shows them to me?

Queenie, it seems mean to say how beautiful she used to be, implying that she isn’t anymore.—Loving daughter

Dear Loving daughter,

Since when does “old” automatically equal “unbeautiful”? Furthermore, your mother, unless she is blind, sees herself in the mirror every day and knows exactly what she looks like now.

I understand that some people do not age as well as others, but then, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Surely you can find something complimentary to say about the way she looks now, even if it is along the lines of (she being almost 90) “You do not look a day over 70.”

Dear Queenie,

My husband travels on business quite often and when he’s away he just won’t keep in touch with me, not by phone or e-mail or text message. If I try to reach him he either doesn’t answer or reply, or if I manage to catch him on the phone he will find a reason to argue with me and hang up.

He’s not like that when he’s here at home, but when he’s away …

Queenie, what do you advise?—Frustrated wife

Dear Queenie,
Recently my wife and I had a date to go out to dinner with a couple we know, but it turned out the husband had to work that night so the two wives decided to go out by themselves and left me home.
I don’t mind my wife going out with her friends, but this plan was for both of us and I felt left out.
Queenie, shouldn’t they have taken me along, or rescheduled for a night when the other husband was free to go too?—Home alone

Dear Queenie,

My husband’s mother still treats him like a child. When she visits us she checks his laundry and looks to see what food we have in stock and what I am fixing for dinner. She even makes doctor and dentist appointments for him and even goes with him to them.

Queenie, how do I get her to butt out and let him be a man?—Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

You do not. That job is up to him.

Have you talked to him about this and told him how much it bothers you? He may be so used to her attention that he just takes it for granted, or he may not be willing to make the effort to detach himself from her apron strings.

Perhaps if he is forced to choose between the two women in his life he will grow some backbone. And if he does not, you have to choose between putting up with Mommy and ditching both of them.