Dear Queenie,
I have watched my daughter playing with other children and I notice that she doesn’t stand up for herself when some of them say mean things or even physically push her around. When I asked her why she puts up with that stuff she said she wants them to like her and doesn’t want to hurt their feelings.
Queenie, what should I do? Should I intervene when I see this happen or should I tell her to stand up for herself or should I just stay out of it?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
Do not intervene. If you do, things will just get worse when you are not around.
However, you should tell your daughter not to accept such abuse in silence. She should feel free to protest when someone abuses her, without worrying about their feelings. After all, they are not showing any concern for how she feels, except to make her feel bad, and so they do not deserve any consideration from her.
Also, you should encourage her to find other, more congenial playmates, and help her to do so.
