Dear Queenie,
When I graduated high school I moved out of my parents’ house because I wanted to live on my own while I was going to college. I work 2 part-time jobs to pay my expenses and tuition at University of St. Martin, but it’s just not enough money and I’m tired all the time and it’s affecting my grades.
I asked my parents if I could move back in with them and they said okay, but they would expect me to obey the same rules as before I moved out, when I was still in high school, like I have do chores and I have to tell them when I’m going out and I have to be in by a certain hour and I have to tell them where I’m going and who I’m going with.
Queenie, this isn’t fair. I’m grown up now and I shouldn’t be expected to live by rules for kids! How can I make them understand this?—Independent
Dear Independent,
You claim to be an independent adult, but you want your parents to provide you with food and shelter as they did when you were a child? I think you still have some growing up to do!
“There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch,” honey. If you can’t pay your own way, you will have to abide by the rules of the people who pay it for you. It’s their house and their money; they have the right to expect you to help with the work around the house and to set the conditions of your living there, especially as you are no longer a child.
Dear Queenie,
I am a 14-year-old girl and I got stuck between two friends. We were all good friends 5 years ago but then got split up, and they became better friends.
Last year I became good friends with them again but they seem to be growing apart now. One somewhat bad-talks the other and the other doesn’t really care.
They don’t argue, they talk a little but not as much as they used to. They went through their pre-teens and puberty and everything together and then I come in their teen years and it’s all ruined.
I feel responsible, Queenie. Am I?—Responsible
Dear Responsible,
No, you are not. Relationships change as the years pass, as you yourself have described. It has nothing to do with you. It’s because people, especially children, change as they grow older and their interests, likes and dislikes change also.
It’s nice when childhood friendships last into adulthood, but it’s usually not anyone’s fault when they don’t. It’s just a natural part of growing up.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been dating this boy for a while now, And he is very sweet and nice, He always looks for me; sometimes he will call or come by me.
But there is one big problem. He has a girl friend and they have a child together.
Queenie, I know what I’m doing is wrong, but I really really like the boy, and I’m confused. I don’t know if I should let him go or continue the relationship. I’m confused and I like the boy.—Confused girl
Dear Confused girl,
Is this boy living with his other girlfriend and his child? If so, he is clearly spoken for and therefore off limits, as you are obviously well aware. In that case, do not expect me to tell you it is all right to date him; you know very well it is not. Let him go.
If he is not living with his child’s mother, it is probably okay to date him.
However, you might want to ask yourself – and him – if he is contributing in any way to his child’s support and upbringing. If he is not, he shows himself to be irresponsible, to say the least, and you cannot expect any better treatment from him in similar circumstances. In that case, again I would say let him go.
Dear Queenie,
When I was in my teens I had a baby for a boy I loved very much, but he soon disappeared from our lives. All the time our daughter was growing up he never tried to see her and never gave me any support money.
I have heard he is living on another island nearby, but I never see him although sometimes someone mentions to me that they have seen him or that he is visiting relatives here, but never me or our daughter.
I asked her once when she was a teenager if she would like to meet him and she said, “No way. He doesn’t want me and I don’t want him.” But now I am thinking that it might be good for her to meet him.
Queenie, should I try to get them together?—Single mom
Dear Single mom,
You don’t say how old your daughter is now, but I understand from what you have written that she is all grown up and quite able to decide for herself. If she wants to meet her father, she will surely ask you about him.
If he should show any interest in her at this late date, you can ask her whether she is willing to meet him, but you should not be the one to start the ball rolling. In short, butt out, Mom.
Dear Queenie,
I am not sure whether I believe in God, so I do not believe in churches. I try to obey the Ten Commandments, except the ones about God, because I think they are good guidelines for living an ethical life. I also try to obey the Golden Rule and I am kind to animals and I try to protect the environment.
I would never try to argue anyone into sharing my beliefs (or lack of them) and I am disgusted with people who try to “save” me. Who the hell (if there is such a place) are they to tell me how I ought to live my life? I notice a lot of them don’t live up to what they claim to believe!
Queenie, what can I say to these religious nuts to get them off my back?—Agnostic
Dear Agnostic,
It depends on how polite, or rude, you want to be to them.
Polite answers: “Thank you for being concerned about me,” or “I’ll certainly think about what you have said.” Then change the subject, or walk away if necessary.
Much less polite: “How do you know? Did God tell you personally?” Then walk away, fast.
And for those who tell you you will go to hell if you don’t adopt their own particular religion: “Well, then, I’ll be seeing you there, won’t I?” Or, you could quote the old song: “Ev’rybody talkin’ ’bout Heaven ain’t goin’ there …” You probably won’t have to walk away, as they probably will, but you may have to duck a clenched fist.
