Dear Queenie,
I must say how tragic it is that in this era some individuals still deem women as inferior and defective in comparison to men. What is even more disconcerting is that this subservient ideology is advanced by a female, the parent of two sisters in an early September advice article.
Although I do respect the advice given to the pair of girls, I think that it is crucial to admonish them to exercise caution as they seek validation from various sources outside the home.
Not everyone who portrays him or herself as a role model is authentic. Some individuals with unveiled sinister objectives may seek opportunity to weave themselves into their being and use their fragile self-image as an opportunity to capitalize their agenda, thus bringing psychological and emotional malaise on both girls.
Queenie, in addition to your advice, I would like to encourage them to be extremely cautious and prudent in their selection of mentors.—Concerned Teacher
Dear Concerned Teacher,
You make a very good point, Thank you for your input.
Dear Queenie,
If you have a gift certificate for a meal for two at a restaurant that someone gave you or you won in a raffle, would it look cheap to use it on a date?—Bargain hunter
Dear Bargain hunter,
It might.
It would be better to save the gift certificate to use after you have taken the girl out several times and you have gotten to know each other fairly well. Then you can whip it out to use on some special occasion, like her birthday (or yours) and instead of thinking you are cheap she probably (hopefully) will think you are just financially responsible.
Dear Queenie,
My older daughter says she thinks I love her younger sister more than her. It’s true that I expect more of the older girl just because she is older and I want her to let her younger sister tag along with her because I want the girls to be close and to be good friends, and I want them to learn to think of others besides themselves.
My husband, who has younger brothers, says an older child gets sick of always having the younger ones tagging along and I shouldn’t demand that of our older daughter.
Queenie, what do you think?—Undecided
Dear Undecided,
I think you are both right. Your daughters need to learn to think of others as well as themselves, but you should not demand that they always do everything together. Your younger daughter also needs to learn to consider her sister’s feelings.
Dear Queenie,
I read your column on a regular basis and often you recommend couples to seek out marriage counseling. I have looked on-line and in the phone book, but can't seem to find anyone in this field. I was wondering if you have any contact information, as I am seeking this service.—Queenie fan
Dear Fan,
I frequently refer abuse victims to Safe Haven for help and Safe Haven may be able to help you too. Their contact information is:
24-hour hotline number: 9333 or (721) 523-6400.
E-mail address: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Facebook: SafeHavenSt.Maarten
The Women’s Desk at Hope Estate Road #4, Upper Prince’s Quarter, also may be able to help you. Their contact information is:
Tel. 542-7940, 520-1145 or 520-1146
Fax 542-7941
Finally, if you belong to a church your pastor may be able to help you, especially if he (or she) has had special training in this area.
Dear Queenie,
My 10-year-old granddaughter has never spent a night away from home – no sleepovers with friends or even at my house or her other grandparents. I would like to have her visit for more than an hour or two, but her mother won’t allow it.
Queenie, is this normal?—Worried grandma
Dear Grandma,
It is unusual, but I would not go so far as to say it is abnormal. It could be that your granddaughter is rather timid about being separated from her parents, or that they are overprotective.
However, there may be some special reason for this. For example, she may have been bullied or even molested on such an occasion, and if this is the case, you should know about it. If you have not already discussed your concerns with her parents, you should do so.
