Dear Queenie,

My sister has lived far away from here for many years and we cannot afford to travel to visit her. She married a wealthy man and could well afford to come here to visit her family, but has never done so. She has never even met our children.

Now I’m getting older it makes me sick to think that after I die she will come to my funeral and make a big thing about how much she loved me and missed me and how sad she is that I am gone. Hypocrite! If she could come to my funeral, why couldn’t she come to see us while I was still alive?

Queenie, how can I stop this from happening?—Neglected sister

Dear Neglected,

Once you are dead, what difference will it make to you if your sister does show up at the funeral? Such ceremonies are mainly for the sake of those left behind, to help them through a difficult time.

And what makes you so certain she would come to your funeral? She may have good reasons for not travelling – for example, health issues that make it difficult for her to travel long distances, or responsibilities such as a disabled relative that she cannot leave unattended.

So why not leave the question of your sister’s attendance up to the person(s) who will be making the funeral arrangements? If they do not want your sister there, they can wait until after the funeral to notify her of your death. Problem (such as it is) solved.

Dear Queenie,

My wife is going to her 25^th college reunion this summer. I found out she has been e-mailing with a guy she used to go out with in college, before we ever met.

She says they are just talking about old times and the reunion, but I saw some of his e-mail and it is obvious that he is trying to get together with her for more than just talking about old times. She says she will stop corresponding with him if I want her to.

Queenie, should I insist?—Worried husband

Dear Husband,

Apparently your wife is enjoying a flirtation with an old flame. As long as she is willing to stop her correspondence with this guy, take her up on the offer and let it go at that. Will you be going to the reunion with her?

Dear Queenie,

The other day a guest in our house went to wash his hands in the kitchen sink after he had been helping my husband with some yard work. I asked him please to use the bathroom sink instead and he got vexed with me for being so “finicky” about such a small matter.

Queenie, did I do something wrong?—Kitchen Etty Ket

Dear Etty Ket,

I know some people are particular about such things. Personally, I do not see much difference between washing the dirt off garden vegetables and washing similar dirt off one’s hands, but I know not everyone agrees with me.

As long as you asked him politely not to use the kitchen sink, I do not think you did anything wrong.

Dear Queenie,

I just found out that I am pregnant (it was an accident) and my parents are all excited about their first grandchild.

The problem is that they want me and my boyfriend to get married right away before the baby is born, but we would rather wait until after the baby comes and have a big wedding then, if we even get married at all. They don’t want anything to do with that idea.

Queenie, what should we do?—Unwed mother

Dear Unwed mother,

The decision about a wedding – when and if – is yours to make and if you are not ready to make that commitment you should not let yourself be rushed into it just because you are pregnant. That could well be a recipe for eventual divorce.

You and your boyfriend should wait until you are certain you are ready to get married and then have as big a wedding as you want. But of course your parents will not be obliged to pay it.