Dear Queenie,
My husband died after a long illness and several months later I met a wonderful man and we have been going together. My children, who are all grown up, think the world of him, but my sisters and brothers think it is too soon, that I should still be in mourning.
Queenie, how do I get them off my back, or should I just cut them out of my life?—Widow
Dear Widow,
Your siblings are trying to control your life. Do not let them do so, but try not to cut them off completely.
Tell them you are sorry they think that way and then try to ignore what they say. Hopefully, they will eventually get used to the idea of your new relationship.
Dear Queenie,
My wife’s sister cheated on her husband and got divorced and now we have received an invitation to her wedding to the man she cheated with.
We are fond of the sister, but we also are still close to her ex-husband and the children she had with him and we don’t like this new man at all.
Queenie, do we have to go to this wedding?—Disgusted brother-in-law
Dear Disgusted,
For the sake of peace in the family it would be a good idea to attend the wedding, unless you can find a really good excuse not to – like being hospitalised or in jail. However, you do not have to be overly enthusiastic with your congratulations and may leave as early as good manners allow.
Dear Queenie,
I dropped out of college to take care of my mother, who was terminally ill, for several years. During that time my father, who was still working, supported me.
After she died my father collected her life insurance and also presented me with a bill for what it cost him to support me.
Queenie, Is this fair? Should I just pay him and go back to college?—Bereaved son
Dear Son,
I suggest you present your father with a bill for your services as your mother’s caretaker while she was ill, equal to (or even slightly greater than) the bill he has given you, and see how he reacts. I expect his reaction will not be very positive, so tell him you are willing to call it even.
Then go back to college and get your degree, because obviously you must expect to be independent and self-supporting from now on.
Dear Queenie,
My parents are having problems in their marriage and my mother is constantly complaining to me about it and asking my advice.
I don’t want to get caught between them and I’m certainly not qualified to give marriage advice.
Queenie, how can I help my mother?—Worried daughter
Dear Daughter,
Tell your mother what you have told me – that you are not qualified to be her marriage counsellor and she needs to see a professional.
Before you have this conversation, consult Safe Haven ((office tel. 9277) or the Women’s Desk (Hope Estate Road #4, Upper Prince’s Quarter, tel. 542-7940, 520-1145, or 520-1146) for referrals you can pass on to your mother.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine who doesn’t have any children is always criticising my children. I have to bite my tongue to keep from telling her she doesn’t know what she’s talking about because she doesn’t have to raise children of her own.
Queenie, what’s a good way to shut her up?—Harassed mother
Dear Harassed,
If you want to be polite: “Thanks for your input,” and then change the subject.
Not so polite, but possibly more effective (and possibly a good way to end the friendship): “You can tell me what you think when you have children of your own” – and then change the subject!
