Dear Queenie,
I’m still in high school but I’m pregnant. My mother doesn’t want me to have anything more to do with the baby’s father because she thinks he treated me badly and she’s afraid he will do the same to the baby. She also thinks he will just walk out on me sooner or later, because he is also in high school and probably will be going away to college.
She also doesn’t want me to have anything to do with his parents because that will keep me in touch with him.
Queenie, is she right?—Teenage mother
Dear Teenager,
When you say your baby’s father treated you badly, do you mean he abused you, either physically or emotionally? If so, your mother is right to keep you away from him and as your baby’s mother it will be up to you to protect your child.
As for your baby-daddy’s parents, whether you let them see their grandchild depends on how they treat you and the baby. If they are abusive like their son, keep away from them, but if they treat you and the baby well visit them, or let them visit you, under circumstances that do not include their son.
Dear Queenie,
My uncle sent me a generous check for a birthday present, but my dog chewed it up before I could cash it. I told my uncle what happened and he said he would send another check, but he never did.
Queenie, do I still have to send him a thank you note?—Birthday girl
Dear Birthday girl,
Until it is cashed a check is just a piece of paper and your uncle knows you received the original so I do not think you owe him anything more for that.
However, he may have sent a replacement that you never received, so it might be a good idea to ask him about it. If he did, he should know you never received it and if he meant to but did not, the inquiry would serve as a reminder. But beyond that, do not press the issue.
Dear Queenie,
I‘ve been dating this cute guy casually for some time, nothing serious, and he has made it clear that he is not interested in a serious relationship. However, I have developed very strong feelings for him and would like to take this further.
Queenie, should I tell him how I feel before he gets interested in someone else?—Head-Over-Heels In Love
Dear In Love,
Tell him how you feel, but do not demand anything from him in return. Then, if he does not run for cover, you will have to decide whether you want to continue seeing him on his terms, hoping he will reciprocate your feelings and taking the risk of having to watch him fall in love with someone else.
Dear Queenie,
My son’s in-laws babysit for his children all the time, but he and his wife never ask me to babysit, even though I have offered many times.
I asked my son why they were playing favourites and he explained that his wife doesn’t want me around the children because I smoke.
Queenie, I want to be close to my grandchildren. What can I do?—Lonely Grandma
Dear Grandma,
Stop smoking!
It is well known that smoking is bad for one’s health, and “second-hand” smoke is equally bad for everyone around the smoker. Your daughter-in=law is protecting her children from the possible ill effects on them of your bad habit. So what is more important to you, your cigarettes or your grandchildren?
Dear Queenie,
When I was a teenager my cousin raped me. I have managed to get over it, but I have had nothing to do with him ever since and when my mother died I made it known that I did not want him to come to the funeral although the rest of his family was welcome. Now his sister is furious at me.
Queenie, was I wrong to exclude him?—Rape victim
Dear Victim,
Funerals are for the sake of the survivors and you had every good reason to exclude someone whose presence would have upset you.
However, I have to ask: Does your rapist’s sister know why you do not want to have anything to do with her brother? If not, you should tell her (or have some neutral third party do so). He might be a danger to her teenage daughters if she has any.
