Dear Queenie,
I would like to have a boyfriend, but I am not the least bit interested in anyone from St. Maarten. These guys are just plain rude, selfish, only for the sex, and not at all educated about love or manners in love.
I hate it when guys call out to me on the street, acting like horny dogs … well, that’s an insult to the dogs. I hate the way they whistle when I pass, the way they look at every female in their area, the way they “pssssst” when you pass, all of it. I also don’t believe in long-distance relationships.
Queenie, what can I do now? Am I being too picky?—Confused
Dear Confused,
I don’t think you are being too picky. You are just looking for a boyfriend in the wrong places.
The kind of man you want won’t be hanging around a street corner or a bar. He will be working at a professional job or furthering his education, or both. He will be a member of a service club, a church and/or some other community group.
He may very well be already spoken for. The good ones usually are. And in that case he is off limits for you, but of course if he is everything you are looking for and he is taken, he won’t be interested in you.
Nevertheless, don’t stop looking. Just be more picky about where you look.
You might also give some thought to the way you dress and carry yourself, if you attract so much attention from the kind of men you describe. The man you are looking for is also picky.
Dear Queenie,
I have pets, a dog and a cat. My daughter recently married a man with children from a previous marriage and the children are both allergic to animals.
I visit my new grandchildren every day at their house and I love them very much, but they can’t come to my house because of the allergies.
Now my daughter and her husband are pressuring me to get rid of my pets so that the kids can stay with me sometimes when they want to go out. They say if I don’t it means I am putting animals in front of people.
Queenie, do you agree?—Step-grandmother
Dear Step-grandmother,
No, I do not agree with your daughter. As you visit the children every day at their home, there is no real reason for them to come to your house. When your daughter wants you to baby-sit, you can do so at her house, so where’s the problem?
If she is so set on having the children visit your home, she should take them to a doctor and see if their allergies cannot be treated and/or controlled, at least temporarily, so they can do so. After all, yours are not the only animals they will come in contact with in their daily lives.
It is also possible, especially if they are very young, that they will eventually outgrow their allergies.
You shouldn’t have to choose between the animals and the children unless/until it becomes absolutely necessary.
Dear Queenie,
My elderly mother has discovered the Internet and is drowning me in e-mails. She sends as many as 6 a day. These are not personal messages, they are jokes, articles, urban legends and stuff like that.
I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I work and I have young children and I just don’t have time to read them all.
Queenie, how can I get her to cool it?—Going under for the third time
Dear Going under,
She may think you enjoy all these items as much as she enjoys sharing them with you. You could tell her – gently – what you have told me.
But there is really no need to tell her anything. You are under no obligation to read all her messages, any more than you are obliged to read every piece of junk mail the postman delivers. Open the ones that look interesting and delete the rest. If you have time, respond to one of them each day, just to let her know you are thinking of her too.
Dear Queenie,
My mother had me when she was in high school and had to raise me alone. She has always told me she doesn’t want me to get pregnant too young and have kids without a father to help raise them.
Now my boyfriend and I have started having sex and I don’t know whether to tell her. We’re not going to make a baby, we’re just having sex.
I have always been able to talk to her about anything, but I’m afraid she will start going on about me being too young and not knowing what I am doing.
Queenie, should I tell her?—Not a virgin
Dear Not a virgin,
Yes, you should tell her. Absolutely!
What in heaven’s name do you think you mean when you say, “We’re not going to make a baby, we’re just having sex”? What else on earth do you think it takes to make a baby?
Your mother may be disappointed in you, even angry, but it is vital that you be examined by a doctor and be taught how to protect yourself from becoming pregnant and from catching sexually transmitted diseases.
You must also learn how to protect yourself from boys who will try to pressure you into having sex when you don’t want to, and from being swept by your own raging hormones into having sex when you don’t intend to.
Tell your mother at once, and listen to what she says. She learned these lessons the hard way and is trying to protect you from going through what she did.
Dear Queenie,
My husband doesn’t brush his teeth every day and he hasn’t gone to a dentist once in all the years we’ve been married. His breath is always foul and it sure doesn’t put me in a mood to get close to him.
Also, he hasn’t had a raise or promotion at work for as long as I have known him and I’m willing to bet it’s because his boss and his co-workers can’t stand his breath either and maybe even the customers have complained.
I’ve tried to talk to him about this, not about work, but about how his bad breath makes me feel, and he nods and says he understands and then he doesn’t do anything different.
Queenie, what more can I do?—Holding my nose
Dear Holding my nose,
Try eating garlic or limburger cheese every night and see how he likes it.
Tell him if he doesn’t brush his teeth before he comes to bed, he can darn well sleep in the other room.
Buy nose plugs (they make them for swimmers) or a well-fitted clothespin and wear them/it to bed every night.
Seriously, there is more to your problem than your husband’s bad breath. There is also his lack of respect for your feelings. Insist on marriage counselling to find out why your husband doesn’t care if he offends you – or even does it deliberately.
If he won’t go with you, go alone, if only to find out why you put up with his boorishness and learn how to deal with it, and him.
