Dear Queenie,
My fiancé and I have been engaged for several years. We lived together after Hurricane Irma while he got his house fixed, but now that it’s done he has moved back to his own place, but he still tries to tell me how I should do things in my own house.
I love him, but I want us to be married and living together.
Queenie, am I wasting my time with him?—Losing my patience
Dear Losing patience,
After so many years, I would say YES! The fact that he moved back to his own house – without asking you to go with him – indicates that he is not really interested in living together with and making a lifetime commitment to you. I also think the fact that he wants to control your life even though the two of you are not even living together is not a good omen for a successful marriage.
And as long as you consider yourself engaged to him, you give yourself no chance to find someone who wants what you want.
Dear Queenie,
Some old friends came to visit us and all they could talk about was food – their healthy diets and how much weight I have gained and how much they have lost and kept off and how they did it.
Queenie, if this happens again, how can I get them to talk about something else?—Fed up with food talk
Dear Fed up,
The next time they start talking about food and their weight loss and your gain, just smile, thank them for their interest in your health, tell them you would really rather talk about (something else) and start on the “something else.” And keep smiling.
This tactic (except for the “thank you” part if there is nothing to thank them for) works for just about any topic you do not want to discuss.
Dear Queenie,
I know I should have a check-up by my doctor every year, but I can never remember when the last one was, so sometimes I go longer than I should.
Any suggestions, Queenie?—Forgetful
Dear Forgetful,
If you have a digital day planner or even a wall calendar that you remember to consult, right after your check-up make a notation to remind you to make the appointment for your next one, and when you have made the appointment, make a notation of the date and time.
You might also consider connecting your annual check-up to some significant date that you do not have trouble remembering, like your birthday or an anniversary or a special holiday.
Dear Queenie,
My son had a child with his girlfriend in high school. That was almost 10 years ago. The girl he is with now came to me and asked if he had ever had any children and I couldn’t lie to her. I didn’t give her any details about the child, but I did admit that there was one.
Now my son is mad at me for not keeping his secret and says he will never speak to me again.
Queenie, how can I make up with him for giving away his secret?—Unhappy mother
Dear Mother,
For one thing, this is a small island and I doubt your son’s child is much of a secret – what makes him think the child’s mother has not told everyone she knows who the father is? For another thing, his current girlfriend must have had some idea about this child or she would not have come to you for confirmation. For a third thing, what right does your son have to expect you to lie for him?
Your son owes you an apology for expecting you to lie for him and to back up any lies he has told, and for getting angry with you for being too honest to do so. He should be trying to make up with you, not the other way around.
Dear Queenie,
I live on a quiet street, but one neighbour drives too fast. The other day she nearly hit one of my children who was riding his tricycle in the street. Another neighbour stopped her in time and then came to tell what happened and said I should keep my kids in our yard or keep an eye on them when they’re in the street.
Queenie, we have a very small yard and I don’t like to keep my children cooped up like that. Who is right?—Worried mom
Dear Worried,
Your scolding neighbour is. If your son is still riding a tricycle he is too young to play in the street unsupervised, Be thankful that your scolding neighbour was there to prevent a tragedy.
