Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine died of cancer a couple of years ago and after her funeral some of her other friends organised a fund-raiser in her honor for the cancer society and they continue to do this every year. I think it is a great idea, but they charge a big price to attend. All the money goes to the cancer society, but it is a lot more than I can afford.
Queenie, each year instead of going to the fund-raiser I make a donation direct to the cancer society in my friend’s memory, but what do I say to the organisers when they ask me why I never attend their events?—Not made of money
Dear Not made of money,
Tell them what you have told me – that you respect what they are doing in your friend’s memory, but you cannot afford the price they charge for it so you honour your deceased friend by making a contribution you can afford directly to the cancer society.
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Dear Queenie,
My wife thinks everything in our marriage should be exactly equal, meaning we should spend the same amount of time visiting with both sets of parents, take turns changing the baby’s diaper and doing the dishes, etc.
Queenie, I don’t mind doing extra work when she is tired or sick, but why can’t she do the same for me?—Unequal husband
Dear Husband,
Does she have an outside-the-home job? And if so, does she think you should bring home equal paycheques? Or have you managed to convince her that any inequality is levelled out by the amount of housework she does?
Your wife is not going to change her ideas until she realises what a problem she has, and that probably will take professional counselling. I hope you can persuade her to go. If not, start out by going yourself, and then suggest “equal time” for her.
Dear Queenie,
My wife and I go out regularly with two or three other couples and often some of them have too much to drink. One of the other husbands, when he is drinking, can’t seem to keep away from my wife. He stumbles and leans on her to keep his balance or brushes against her when he walks past – you get the idea.
I think this is just too much. She says he does this with all the women when he is drunk.
Queenie, what do you think?—Outraged husband
Dear Husband,
I think being drunk lowers one’s inhibitions, but that is no excuse for this man’s behaviour. I think the women should all keep their distance from him when he has been drinking and perhaps assign one of the other men to keep the drinker from falling down and away from the women – and to talk to him when he is sober about the way he behaves when he has been drinking.
And if he does not want to believe what he is told, I suggest (as usual) video recording him with a smartphone or other electronic device and showing him the recording when he is sober.
Dear Queenie,
My grandmother passed away recently after years of illness. My mother, who is retired, was the one who took care of her, a full-time job.
Now I’m worried about my mother. In addition to grieving for her mother, she gave up everything else to look after her and now she has nothing to do and nowhere to turn.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Worried son
Dear Son,
Your mother may need some time to mourn the passing of her mother. However, you can help her get back in touch with old friends and social activities as she becomes ready for them.
You can also contact senior citizens’ groups, the White and Yellow Cross Care Foundation and other service organisations for help and suggestions.
