Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and his best friend seem to expect that when they hang out together I will hang out with the friend’s fiancée. I don’t mean all of us as a foursome, but the men together doing something and the women together doing something else.
She’s a nice enough person and I don’t not like her, but we’re not best friends like the men are and a lot of the time I really would rather be doing something else.
Queenie, do you have any suggestions?—Not really interested
Dear Not interested,
Explain to your boyfriend that while you do not dislike his best friend’s fiancée, she is not someone with whom you are very friendly. Tell him that while you do not mind his hanging out with his best friend just the two of them or spending time with the friend’s fiancée in a foursome, you do not wish (or intend to) to entertain her just the two of you every time he gets together with his best friend just the two of them.
For that matter, I suspect she may feel the same way about you.
Dear Queenie,
I’m a divorced woman dating a divorced man who is just amazing. I find him attractive, but I don’t feel passion for him like I did with my ex-husband.
Queenie, should I settle for security and the kind of life I want or look for romance?—Wanting more
Dear Wanting more,
The trouble with passion, also known as “romantic fire,” is that it usually burns itself out, sometimes quite quickly.
An “amazing” person whom you find “attractive” is a much better candidate for a stable, lasting and happy long-term relationship.
Dear Queenie,
My best friend is going to college in the US and met her boyfriend there. While she was visiting home on spring break she told me they were looking for an apartment together because she is pregnant and doesn’t want to come home for the summer because her parents will freak out if they find out she is pregnant.
She is hoping they will react better after the baby is born and they see their first grandchild. She made me promise not to tell anyone else, especially not her mother, about her being pregnant.
I see her mother quite often and I know that when she finds out about the baby she is going to ask me if I knew about it and why I never said anything.
Queenie, I don’t want to lie and say I didn’t know, but I don’t want to break my promise either. What should I do?—Keeping a big secret
Dear Keeping,
I think you should keep your promise.
It is up to your friend to tell her parents when she thinks the time is right. And if her mother asks you if you knew and why you did not say anything, you can admit that you knew, but explain that you had given a solemn promise not to say anything to anybody and felt you should not break your word.
Dear Queenie,
My best friend is a man I’ve known since we were in school together. Now I have fallen in love with him and I don’t know if I should risk our friendship by telling him.
Queenie, what do you advise?—Undecided
Dear Undecided,
You might as well tell him. Possibly he also has such feelings for you that he has not mentioned for the same reason you have kept mum. If that is the case, you will both be free to take your friendship to the next level.
On the other hand, your friendship does not have to end if he does not reciprocate your feelings, and you will be free to find romance with someone else.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now and I’m ready for us to get married and start raising a family. He says he wants to have children with me and spend the rest of his life together with me, but he is not willing for us to get married.
I don’t want to have children without being married, but I’m not getting younger and I want to start a family before I get too old.
Queenie, do you think if I wait he will change his mind?—Want to be a mom
Dear Want to be a mom,
I think your boyfriend is afraid of making a firm commitment like marriage.
Your problem with him is that having children is a big, long-term commitment, with or without marriage. You should not have children with him unless (and until) he marries you (if he ever does).
So, sooner or later you may have to decide: Which is more important to you, being with this man or having children? Do not wait too long.
