Dear Queenie,
I had a baby in my last year of high school and another in my last year of college and I have made up my mind that I will not have any more children. However, my boyfriend wants me to have a baby with him so at least one of our kids will be his own.
He says I’m being selfish and if I won’t have his baby he won’t marry me.
Queenie, is he right?—Under pressure
Dear Under pressure,
This is not a matter of being right or wrong, it is a personal decision about what is best for you, and only you can make that decision. Discussing this with your boyfriend, and possibly professional counselling with or without him, might help you clarify that decision, and you should do so before making any permanent commitment to each other.
The question here is not who is right and who is wrong, but whether the two of you are right for each other.
Dear Queenie,
What does it mean when your boyfriend gives you a promise ring? I’ve been showing it off to everyone, but his family haven’t seen it and don’t know about it. He says it’s because he has the habit of keeping his personal life private.
I thought a promise ring is a kind of public statement that you are engaged to get engaged.
Queenie, what does all this mean?—Confused
Dear Confused,
It could mean your boyfriend is really not quite ready to make a firm commitment to you. Or it could be that his relationships with his family are less than close and he does not want to discuss the matter with them.
Whatever the reason for this situation, you need to discuss it with your boyfriend and be quite clear as to what exactly he is “promising” with this ring.
Dear Queenie,
On my birthday a friend of mine told me she knows how old I am because she looked it up on the Internet. I told her if she wanted to know how old I am she should have just asked me.
Queenie, was she wrong not to ask and go behind my back to look it up, or was I wrong the way I answered her?—Birthday Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Your friend may have thought you would be offended by the question, but in that case she should have thought you would be offended by being told she knew the answer.
Whether you were wrong in the way you answered her depends on your tone of voice and attitude when you said it.
Dear Queenie,
I found out that I’m pregnant recently and my husband and I are planning to tell everybody at his sister’s birthday party in a couple of weeks. However, another sister and her husband have been trying to have a baby but are having problems with it and we don’t want to hurt their feelings.
Queenie, should we tell them privately before the party so they won’t be taken by surprise?—Mother-to-be
Dear Mother-to-be,
Yes, tell them privately in advance and explain that you are doing so to try to spare their feelings.
Dear Queenie,
My wife and I have been good friends with another couple for a long time. We had a lot in common and our families spent a lot of time and did a lot of things together. But things have changed recently and now it’s only us that try to get together with them and very often they are not up for it.
I tried to find out if there was some problem between us, but the husband just said they had gotten busy with other things and didn’t have as much time for us anymore.
Queenie, what might have happened?—Cut-off friends
Dear Cut-off friends,
Not all friendships last forever. Sometimes there is no specific reason for one to just “fade out,” and trying to figure out why is a waste of time and energy.
Think of it as “just one of those things” and try to move on.
