Dear Queenie,
My mother and her sister had a big argument many years ago and since then her sister won’t have anything to do with my mom. All of the family agrees that it was the sister’s fault, but my mom is still upset about the whole thing after all these years.
She has developed high blood pressure and an ulcer and we are worried that she might have a stroke, but she can’t seem to let go of this quarrel even though it is ruining her health.
Queenie, how can we help her?—Worried daughter
Dear Daughter,
Part of her problem probably is that your mother still loves her sister and cannot stop hoping to reconcile with her, but that does not seem likely.
Professional counselling might help her deal with it; if not a medical/psychiatric counsellor, perhaps her pastor if your mother is of a religious frame of mind.
Dear Queenie,
My husband is planning to take his grown-up children with us on a trip off-island later this year, but he won’t consider taking my also grown-up children too.
Queenie, is this fair?—Annoyed wife
Dear Wife,
Is your husband thinking about the cost or the number of people involved? You cannot expect him to pay more than he can afford.
If it is the cost, and if you have money of your own, perhaps he would relent if you offer to pay for your children.
If it is the size of the group, perhaps your children could be included another time in another trip.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine booked a discounted 2-bedroom hotel suite at a resort hoping I would share it with her. When she told me about it, I said it sounded great, but when I checked my schedule I found out I just couldn’t manage to get away.
When I told my friend I couldn’t make it she got mad and the next day she said I owed her for half the bill for the rooms.
I have a family and a job and I never asked her for any of this.
Queenie, should I give her the money anyway?—Angry friend
Dear Friend,
If you ever told your friend you would stay with her for even one night, it would be a good idea to pay her for that night, for friendship’s sake.
However, as she originally booked these rooms without consulting you beforehand, you have no obligation to pay for any of it.
Tell your friend that next time, if there ever is a next time, she should ask you first before making any such commitment with you in mind.
Dear Queenie,
My parents have always favoured my younger brother over me. When I finished high school they told me to get a job. When he finished high school they paid for him to go on to university and they pay for everything for him.
When I started dating a woman they didn’t like they kicked me out, so I moved in with her and my parents got mad because we are “living in sin,” but they let my brother and his fiancée live with them – supposedly in separate bedrooms, but what do my parents think the two of them are doing when they aren’t home?
Queenie, my fiancée and I are getting married later this year. Should I invite my parents to the wedding?—Offended son
Dear Son,
Please invite your parents to the wedding. They may relax their attitude once you have made things “legal.”
Regarding their apparent favouritism, have you tried to talk to them about it? Perhaps doing so, maybe with the help of a neutral person as “mediator,” can make them understand how you feel about this.
Dear Queenie,
I’m in high school and I know this should be a happy time for me but I get upset over little things and this makes it hard for me to get along with other people and keeps me from feeling really good about myself.
I know you will tell me to see a professional counsellor like you always tell people, but when I tried to tell my parents about it they refused to even discuss it.
Queenie, how can I get some help?—Unhappy teenager
Dear Teenager,
Talk to a school counsellor about this, or tell your family physician about it the next time you go for a check-up. I hope one of them can persuade your parents to let you get the help you need.
