Dear Queenie,
When my daughter was very young she had a friend who came to live with us when her mother died. She stayed with us until she grew up and got married and now she has children. I sometimes take care of them along with my daughter’s children and the friend’s children think of us as their grandparents.
Queenie, what do I say when people ask me about the friend’s children?—Not really their grandma
Dear Not really,
Just call the friend’s children your “honorary grandchildren.” And if anyone asks why you put it like that, tell them the children’s mother is like a daughter to you.
Dear Queenie,
I dated a married man for a while until I broke up with him when I realised that he was lying to me about wanting to leave his wife to be with me.
Queenie, should I tell his wife he was cheating on her?—Married man’s ex-girlfriend
Dear Ex-girlfriend,
You are not exactly innocent in this matter. You knew he was married and you still went out with him. If you insist on telling his wife about all this, at least do not be so cowardly as to do so anonymously. But are you really so sure she does not already know?
Dear Queenie,
My husband has a friend who always lets my husband pick up the bill when we go somewhere. I didn’t care about this when the friend was out of a job and short of money, but now he is working and making enough pay to buy himself a few luxuries like some rather expensive clothes and he still lets my husband pick up the bills.
Queenie, is this right?—Fed-up wife
Dear Wife,
No, it is not right, but it is up to your husband to correct matters, and for friendship’s sake he may have chosen not to do so. If you have not already explained to your husband how you feel about this, tell him now, but be prepared to put up in good spirit with whatever he decides to do (or not do).
Dear Queenie,
I do not like my husband’s brother and he does not like me either. Now he is going to get married to a woman who also doesn’t like me and I don’t like, and we have been invited to the wedding.
Queenie, my husband wants me to go to the wedding with him. Do I really have to?—Reluctant wedding guest
Dear Guest,
If it means that much to your husband, go with him and be polite to the happy couple for his sake. You probably will not see much of them at the wedding, and I doubt you will have to see much of them after that either, except at family get-togethers.
Dear Queenie,
My divorced daughter and her children live with me so that I can take care of the children while she is at work.
Her new boyfriend visits us a lot and eats a lot of meals with us. He even takes home some of the leftovers. He has a low-paying job and says he has trouble paying his bills, but he always seems to have money to go out drinking and to the movies and sports games.
Queenie, do you think this is right?—Not rich grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
If you cannot afford to feed this boyfriend so often, ask your daughter to stop inviting him to eat with you so often.
I am assuming she invites him and he does not just drop in and expect to be fed – if it is the latter, do not invite him to eat with you, but excuse yourselves when it is time to eat and ask him to come back later. Or, ask your daughter to give you money to pay for the food her boyfriend eats.
