Dear Queenie,
My husband and I got married just after high school. At that time he said he didn’t want to have any kids and I agreed with him. But that was many years ago, and now I want to start a family and he still doesn’t want kids.
He says if I get pregnant he’ll divorce me and he’s planning to have a vasectomy so he can be sure if I get pregnant it isn’t his baby. I can promise you I won’t get pregnant with anyone else’s baby, I only want my husband’s children.
I tried to get him to go to counselling with me, but he won’t go. I just can’t imagine being with any other man, or not ever being a mother for the rest of my life.
Queenie, help!—Discontented
Dear Discontented,
If your husband will not go with you for counselling go by yourself. You have an important decision to make and clearly need help in doing so, much more help than I can give you in this column.
Dear Queenie,
My friend is pregnant with her third child and I recently learned that this is no accident, even though she and her husband had agreed not to have any more children and she was using birth control, but she stopped on purpose.
Our husbands are friends too and my husband says her husband is terribly upset about her being pregnant.
Queenie, I don’t think what my friend did was right. Should I tell her to tell her husband about it not being an accident, or should I tell my husband to tell her husband?—I need your advice
Dear Need advice,
This is a case where telling the truth will only cause more problems, both emotional and possibly physical, for everyone concerned, including a yet-unborn child. You and your husband should mind your own business and stay completely out of it.
Dear Queenie,
What do you think of an apology that ends in “but (whatever)”? Is that really an apology?—Just wondering
Dear Just wondering,
Wonder no more.
An apology with a “but” tacked on to it is no apology at all, it is just someone trying to make an excuse for whatever offence they might have committed.
Dear Queenie,
My husband’s father is a lawyer. He recently suggested that we should each have a will to control how our money will be divided up when we die and who will be our children’s guardians if they are still underage, and he offered to do the legal work for us.
My husband and I agree that this is a good idea, but we don’t want his parents to be the children’s guardians because of the way they raised him. The problem is that his father might get mad at us if he has to put this in the will and he might be offended if we go to another lawyer.
Queenie, what to do?—Lawyer’s daughter-in-law
Dear Daughter-in-law,
Your father-in-law is absolutely right about the importance of having a will. If you do not want him to be involved, go to another attorney and have your wills drawn up and registered appropriately. Then, if he brings up the matter again, thank him very kindly for his advice and tell him you have already taken care of it.
Dear Queenie,
My cousin got engaged last year to a woman most of the family doesn’t like. We did like her at first, but after a while when we got to know her better we saw that she was bad-tempered and abusive. She would have a screaming tantrum and even throw things at us if we disagreed with her about something or if she didn’t get her own way, even in small matters.
We tried to warn our cousin that she wouldn’t change after they got married and she might even get worse, but he’s still planning to marry her.
Queenie, is there anything more we can do?—Worried relatives
Dear Relatives,
If your cousin will not listen to your concerns there is not much more you can do but wait and see if you are invited to the wedding. If you are, you will have to decide whether you want to attend, which would imply that you approve of their marriage.
And after they are married, be sure to let your cousin know you are there for him if he needs you.
