Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine has fallen in love with a man who visits the island several times a year on business, or so he says.
I got curious to know more about him so I looked him up on the Internet and discovered that he is married and has children and doesn’t own his own business like he says, but works for a big company in a low-level job.
Queenie, should I tell her what I found out?—Worried friend
Dear Friend,
Tell your friend that you found out some things about this man that you think she should know and ask her whether she wants you to tell her what you found out. Most especially, she should be told that he is married, if she does not already know.
However, be prepared for her to be unhappy, and to not thank you for this probably unwelcome information.
Dear Queenie,
My husband used to abuse me, but when I left him and got a divorce my father threw me out of his house without letting me explain and the rest of the family just stood there and didn’t say anything.
Now my mother is going to die of cancer.
Queenie, should I forgive her and my father even though I don’t think they deserve it? That feels like admitting that they were right in taking my ex-husband’s side.—Rejected daughter
Dear Daughter,
If your mother and/or your father have asked for forgiveness, that is like admitting they were wrong and you should at least try to forgive them. However, if they did not, having anything to do with them is just risking more rejection.
I suggest you stay away from them unless they make the first move toward reconciliation.
Dear Queenie,
My husband goes to other islands on business but he never tells me where he is going or what hotel he will be staying at. He says I can call him on his cell phone if I need to talk to him.
This seems disrespectful to me.
Queenie, am I making too much of this? Don’t I have right to know where he is and where he is staying?—Another angry wife
Dear Wife,
Your husband is definitely not considering your feelings. You have a right to know where he is in case of an emergency. But if you trust him, try not to focus on this when he goes away, and make other plans to keep yourself busy.
Dear Queenie,
My father left his vacation home to me and my brother when he died. My brother needed the money, so he traded his share of the vacation home for what it was worth in cash from our father’s estate.
I have been renting out the vacation home by the week to other people who want it for their vacation. Now my brother wants to spend his vacation there next summer. If I let him use for free it I will lose the rent I could have gotten from a stranger, but my brother doesn’t want to pay because he says it’s the family’s “other home.”
Queenie, should I charge my brother for it too?—Undecided
Dear Undecided,
Your brother gave up all rights to the use of the vacation home when he traded (sold) his share for cash. It is entirely up to you to decide whether you want to charge him for using it. However, he should at least be expected to pay the utility bills for the time he spends there.
Dear Queenie,
I have seen signs that my husband surfs the Internet for porn when I’m not around.
He says he only loves me and he wouldn’t be mad at me if I looked at porn pictures of men but I’m not at all interested in that sort of thing. It just makes me mad that he spends time fantasizing about other women besides me.
Queenie, how do I deal with this?—Angry wife
Dear Wife,
Researchers looking for statistics could not find one man who did not look at porn at least occasionally. Getting “turned on” by such images seems to be a natural part of the male psyche. That does not mean your husband is doing anything more than just look.
Try to control your anger and not let it affect other aspects of your marriage. For all you know, when your husband looks at those pictures, he is fantasising that you are the one he is looking at.
